


Untrue

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes has DID- Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Infidelity, Everyone Has Issues, Humor, Infidelity, M/M, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Timeline What Timeline, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has Issues, Unhealthy Relationships, i will leave them be now, ok i think I might be abusing the tags, seriously the timeline for this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-01-12 02:10:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18436865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Bucky kisses him again, soft and sweet, and Tony lets himself melt into it, relaxing under Bucky’s touch. “I’ve got you,” he murmurs and Tony smiles. He shouldn’t, not really, because failed marriage or not this is a really shitty thing to do to Steve. Wouldn’t be as bad if it wasn’tBuckyspecifically but it is and when this all comes crashing down, and it will, it’s not going to be pretty.But Tony’s has always been selfish so for now he chooses to ignore that in favor of enjoying the feeling of whatever this is. Tony wraps his arms around Bucky’s neck and presses him further back into the chair he’s in. “Yeah, I know,” he says, nipping at his lip before he kisses him again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a weird thing for infidelity fics, no idea why. Anyway, to be clear everyone in this fic is a little bit of an asshole minus Peter and Sam mostly. In Steve in Tony's case they're both kind of major assholes, if (at least to me) sympathetically.
> 
> In case it wasn't super clear in the tags, there is infidelity in this. Like a lot of it, everyone fucks someone over with cheating. Now, for Steve it never gets physical but that's mostly because I don't think it'd be in character for him to act on the eyeballs deep emotional affair he's in with Sam (which, for reference, becomes a thing later in this- SamSteve- but I didn't tag it because it vexes me when I look up SamSteve to find a lot of things that are not primarily them. Anyway). Now Tony, he doesn't fuck anything up small so he goes full tilt here. And James doesn't much care for most people so he doesn't care for people's feelings either. Minus his own, and Tony's but only because he decided to care about Tony. Also, Peter is still spidey and aunt May comes into this later so she's still around!
> 
> So I THINK that's everything, but mostly I want people to be forewarned that cheating. Happens a lot in this. Also, we do get Steve's PoV semi-frequently even though we start with Tony so I think I give them equal time to display that their marriage sucks and give them time to be sympathetic asshats.

Bucky presses him up against the wall, one hand on his hip, the other tangled in his hair and Tony lets out a soft moan. It’s been awhile, too long, since he’s gotten this kind of attention and he misses it. Probably wouldn’t be so bad if Steve paid _any_ attention to him at all but he doesn’t, hasn’t in forever and yeah maybe getting with his best friend freshly found in a HYDRA facility is all kinds of unethical but when Bucky kisses him like this its hard to remember that. Bucky pulls away a little and Tony lets out a soft noise of protest, earning a laugh from Bucky.

“Shit, I didn’t expect you to be so enthusiastic,” he says and yeah okay neither did Tony but he genuinely does miss intimacy. The best he gets is movie night with Peter and that’s not really the kind of intimacy he’s looking for, obviously.

“Yeah, well. You’re a great kisser,” he says even though its not really the reason he responded so well, not totally anyway.

When Bucky looks him over, lust evident on his features, Tony shivers. “Well someone has to do it,” he murmurs, kissing Tony again and he melts into it, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck and standing on his toes to get better access to his mouth. Bucky nips at his bottom lip, hand travelling down from his hair to his hip as he lifts Tony’s shirt a little and runs his hand over Tony’s bare skin. He lets out another soft moan as Bucky lifts his shirt and he pulls back briefly to pull it over Tony’s head so he can toss it aside.

He settles his hands back on Tony’s hips and looks him over again, biting his lip as he does. Tony moves forward, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck again but he doesn’t quite make it to kiss him because someone knocks on the door. Peter, wouldn’t be anyone else. He sighs and moves to pull away but Bucky doesn’t let him. Instead he kisses down the side of Tony’s neck and _oh_ , that’s nice, almost nice enough to forget Peter is at the door but he knocks again.

“Um. I know you’re in there. JARVIS ratted you out,” Peter tells him. Tony rolls his eyes because he’s not trying to avoid the kid; he’s trying to separate Bucky’s actions from his current parental duties.

He tries to shoo Bucky off, pulling himself from his grasp not that he makes it far. Bucky wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him back to Tony’s back is to his chest and Tony shakes his head. “You’re terrible,” he mumbles but Bucky only laughs.

“Mhm, s’not my fault you’re so irresistible,” he murmurs, pressing his face back into Tony’s neck. Tony rolls his eyes but his stomach flutters a little in a way it hasn’t in a long, _long_ time. Its nice, feeling wanted in some way again.

“What is it, Peter?” he asks, trying to shoo Bucky away again unsuccessfully. He shakes his head but lets Bucky keep a hold of him mostly because he likes the attention.

“Can I go hang out with Ned?” he asks, voice hopeful. Too hopeful.

“What are you doing with Ned?” he asks and he can practically _hear_ Peter try and think up a lie.

“Um. History homework,” he says and yeah, Tony’s seen his schedule.

“That’s funny, you don’t have history this term,” he says. Behind him Bucky laughs a little.

“Busted,” he murmurs and yeah, Peter’s a shittier liar than Tony and that’s genuinely difficult to manage given how shit of a liar he is.

“Ned’s history homework?” Peter tries and Tony rolls his eyes.

“I distinctly remember Ned saying he’d rather die than take another history class so unless Ned is a ghost I don’t think that’s happening.”

On the other side of the door Peter sighs. “Can I go to a party?” he asks, defeated. He doesn’t expect a yes but Tony has more trust in him than he realizes. Stupid high school lies aside he’s a good kid and rarely gets into trouble.

“Fine, but be back by eleven,” he tells Peter, who lets out a noise of surprise and happiness.

“Thanks! Can I stay out till twelve?” he asks.

“Don’t press you luck, kid,” Tony tells him.

“Okay bye, be back by eleven!” Peter says, running off presumably to go get ready.

Tony turns back to Bucky and he raises an eyebrow, “you’re going to let him go?” he asks, sans the usual judgment he’d get from Steve. Bucky’s curious, Steve would be pissed.

“What’s the worst the kid could get in to?” he reasons. Peter isn’t much of a drinker, he knows better than to do drugs because Tony has had that discussion with him, and he knows plenty about Tony’s history with addiction so he knows he’s predisposed to it. Granted Tony doesn’t think Peter’s got an addictive personality but he still made sure the kid was educated so he could make safe choices. Tony trusts that he will because he has no reason to think he won’t. Honestly Peter might be more mature than Tony and he’s a teenager so.

Bucky laughs, leaning down to press a kiss to his temple. “Well, if he’s anything like you, probably a lot,” he murmurs.

But Peter isn’t anything like him and that’s a good thing, Tony thinks, because he’s currently in his husband’s best friend’s arms shirtless after a heavy petting session that probably would have ended up more than that if not for Peter showing up. That’s bad enough, but his lack of guilt is worse. Steve might be a shit husband but that’s no real excuse for his actions.

*

James, because he’s _not_ Bucky- that much he knows even if he’s a little confused on how he came into being, doesn’t like Steve. He doesn’t like him for a lot of reasons but the main reason is that he’s lost in this time, which wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t expect Bucky to be as lost as he is. Misery loves company, as the saying goes. But Bucky _isn’t_ lost, not the way Steve is anyway. Sure he doesn’t know what to do without the strict rules of HYDRA, and he’s got a bunch of problems mostly centered around the fact that everything makes him anxious, including leaving the Tower but that’s not the same as Steve.

The other reason he doesn’t like Steve is Tony. James isn’t the feelings type, doesn’t like to get too warm and fuzzy with people because they’re breakable and sometimes he dreams of murdering them, but Tony is different. He doesn’t really know when he started to develop some type of feeling towards him, but he does know that after months of watching Steve neglect Tony he started to get pissed off about it. Tony does his fair share of neglect too, but he’s still always the one to reach out and try to do _something_ with Steve. He never really takes Tony up on it either, not unless it’ll look good and that really pisses him off.

Tony’s smart, and generous, and _damn_ hot so he doesn’t get what the fuck Steve’s deal is. Far as James is concerned he’s got one hell of a great husband who’d probably be a lot more interested if Steve fucking paid attention to him once and awhile. When he’d kissed Tony he was like putty in his hands, so ready to do what he wanted and he doesn’t _get_ how Steve can pass that up. Everything about Tony is some level of desirable to him, even his weird habit of hanging out in his lab for way too damn long. Just gives him an excuse to go drag him out and spend some time with him, maybe force him to put the coffee down.

Then there’s Peter to consider and he’s not stupid, he knows his parent’s relationship is failing especially because he ends up the subject of a lot of arguments between them. Steve and Tony have vastly different parenting styles and no apparent desire to reconcile their views. Doesn’t much help that Tony has been parenting Peter on his own for most of Peter’s life. Steve didn’t show up until he was nine, and they didn’t get married for another two years. Now Peter’s fifteen, probably in denial about his parents hating each other, and probably doesn’t much like that his parents fight about him all the time either. That doesn’t irritate James as much as Steve clearly _squandering_ his relationship with Tony but it does annoy him. It’s not like the kid gets into much shit if any, what’s the purpose of arguing about him all the time?

Tony walks into the kitchen, pulling him from his thoughts and he tracks Tony’s movements. He’s been doing it for a long time, but Tony never really noticed. Actually the only one who’s noticed anything amiss is Natasha not that he’s surprised. He’s aware of the Russian’s training, they traded methods with HYDRA. She’d be well trained, _very_ well trained, so the fact that she’s noticed his wandering eye and probably Bucky too isn’t that surprising. This time though Tony notices the way his eyes follow him and he smiles a little over his shoulder- a small, flirtatious gesture. Yeah, he could do with a lot more than that out of Tony but Steve walks in not long after and sours the whole thing.

“Peter was out late last night,” he says and Tony sighs.

“Subways were held up a little. Figured I’d cut him a break all things considered.” Tony starts the coffee machine while Steve gives him an irritated look.

“He should have accounted for that before he ended up late.”

For a moment Tony does nothing but stare at the coffee machine but then he turns. “Steve, he can’t predict when the damn subways will be late. Its _fine_ , he was only twenty minutes late.”

Steve raises an eyebrow, “Hope you don’t run your company like you parent,” he says and Tony sputters, obviously pissed off and clueless as to how to respond to that.

“ _Wow_ , okay. Don’t know where the hell that came from but for the record people _do_ sometimes show up because _they_ can’t predict subway lines being late either. It happens. Also, this is his _home_ , not his damn _job_ so why are we holding him to the same standards?” Tony asks, squinting.

“How’s he supposed to learn responsibility if you keep excusing him every time he does something wrong?” Steve asks, leaving Tony sputtering again.

“Steve, the kid had straight A’s, has gotten into _two_ NASA summer internships _and_ one at SI all _without_ my assistance and deals with all the bullshit that comes from being a trans kid and the son of a celebrity. Does showing up twenty minutes late for a reason he couldn’t help _really_ negate all that to you? Pick your fucking battles Steve, being a little late has no consequences at all, does it really make sense to be pissed off about it?” he asks, obviously baffled.

“Yes Tony, because you gave him a time to he home at and he failed that responsibility. Sure he’s a good kid, but he should know there _should_ be consequences to his actions,” Steve says and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Fine, next time I guess we can expect him to roll around in some radioactive goo and hope he ends up psychic so he can predict when public transit will be late,” Tony snaps, irritated.

“He could have called Happy,” Steve points out.

“Streets aren’t really less congested so he still would have been late and what, do we ground Happy too?” he asks and James snorts, he can’t help it. The image of Tony scolding Happy and then grounding him is hilarious, especially because Happy would take it too.

Steve and Tony turn to glare at him and he sighs, “what?”

“Who do you think is right here?” Steve asks and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Don’t stick _him_ in the middle of it, this isn’t his problem.”

“Don’t see why being twenty minutes late is that big of a deal. You did worse,” he says. Tony looks vindicated and James has no idea if that’s even true, Steve doing worse. He knows Bucky thought he was a right pain in the ass to keep up with but he doesn’t know the specifics. He has a lot more access to Bucky’s thoughts and memories than the reverse, but he doesn’t know everything. Truthfully he kind of wants to piss Steve off and it looks like it’s working. Given the look on his face he assumes there are stories to be had there, whether or not he knows the extent of Steve’s actions before the war.

“This isn’t about me,” Steve says eventually.

James shrugs, “seems like it is since you’re the only one that’s pissed off,” he says and Tony coughs to cover a laugh. Steve isn’t so easily fooled so he turns to glare at him too.

The coffee machine beeps, informing them that its done, and Tony pulls the pot from the base and pours it into a cup. “I have work to do,” he says, fleeing the scene fast before Steve can protest.

Steve turns back to him, annoyed. “What the fuck was that?” he asks and James frowns.

“What the fuck was what?”

“That, telling Tony that he’s right. Who’s side are you on here?” he asks like Bucky should automatically side with him regardless of the situation.

He shrugs, “its twenty minutes and for a decent reason, you’re mad over something stupid.” He might not know if Steve has done something worse in his childhood but every Avenger has done something worse than that in the field. One time Tony almost collapsed a building; Thor and Bruce have almost done that too. Natasha nearly got four civilians killed the last time they dealt with Doom bots, Clint has almost shot most of NYC’s police force with arrows, and Steve has managed to throw his shield through so many windows Tony got annoyed and made all the windows in New York shield proof because he was tired of paying for the damages. Twenty minutes late is better than millions in damages to public buildings, nearly dead civilians and cops, and almost collapsed buildings. All in all Peter’s transgressions are miniscule.

Steve shakes his head, walking off because he’s clearly angry and doesn’t feel like fighting with him over it. It annoys him that Tony doesn’t get the same courtesy.

*

Tony avoids Steve for the rest of the day, but he does inform Peter that he’s not in trouble for something he can’t even help. Shit happens, and Tony’s late to everything. It would be the height of hypocrisy to get pissed off at his kid for being late especially when he didn’t mean to be. Steve though, he’s a fucking _stickler_ for the rules and honestly Tony can’t even remember why he married him. Steve has to feel the same way, he’s sure, not that he’s ever said anything. But then divorce wasn’t really all that popular in his time. Neither was same sex marriage either and Steve… doesn’t tend to draw clear lines on when and where he’s stuck in the past. Sure, he tends to run liberal politically, but then he has weird views on hard work and rules and internet access and a bunch of other shit. It’s hard to figure out where he is most of the time and by now Tony has completely given up.

And that’s on him, he’ll admit that. Maybe he should have tried more, or maybe he should try still but it’s getting increasingly hard to spend any kind of time with Steve when it feels like it always ends in a fight. “Hey,” someone murmurs and he looks over, finding Bucky perched on one of the chairs on the roof. He likes it up here, even when he’s in one of his weird moods. Maybe its because he’s used to being a sniper or something, Tony doesn’t know. He likes it up here because of the view. The sunset is pretty, and the city at night is always beautiful. “Come here,” Bucky says, holding out his hand to him so Tony goes over. He doesn’t expect to be pulled into Bucky’s lap but he allows it, shifting so he’s straddling Bucky.

Bucky runs his hands up Tony’s sides and back down, “look, he’s being an ass,” he says and they both know who Bucky means.

“I know, but I _swear_ he only argues with me like that because he wants to fight with me. He doesn’t do that to anyone else.” Natasha opposes his views _all_ the time and Steve will listen to her, but when its Tony it’s a fight even if he’s saying all the same stuff Natasha is. He’s tested it because at first he thought he was imagining it, a confirmation bias of sorts. But no, when he tested his theory Steve out and out _did_ make it a fight with him more often then not when he only gets bitchy with Natasha in extreme situations. Natasha thought he’d had something of a confirmation bias too until he showed her his compiled evidence then she mostly wondered what was up Steve’s ass in a lot more polite a way than he had.

Bucky leans forward and kisses him softly, “pretty sure he does, but I don’t know why.” Yeah, neither does Tony. Bucky kisses him again, soft and sweet, and Tony lets himself melt into it, relaxing under Bucky’s touch. “I’ve got you,” he murmurs and Tony smiles. He shouldn’t, not really, because failed marriage or not this is a really shitty thing to do to Steve. Wouldn’t be as bad if it wasn’t _Bucky_ specifically but it is and when this all comes crashing down, and it will, it’s not going to be pretty.

But Tony’s has always been selfish so for now he chooses to ignore that in favor of enjoying the feeling of whatever this is. Tony wraps his arms around Bucky’s neck and presses him further back into the chair he’s in. “Yeah, I know,” he says, nipping at his lip before he kisses him again.


	2. Chapter 2

The cool morning air is nice from up here, fresh. Bucky isn’t entirely sure how or why he came to prefer high places but he does, has for a long time. The bad news is that Tony does too and its not that Bucky avoids him, not really, its just that he doesn’t want to be around Tony that much. And not because of anything Tony does. Well okay, technically its everything Tony does, but he can’t help that Bucky has developed this _stupid_ crush on him. He’s married, and that’s not all considering he’s married to Bucky’s _best friend_ and yet every time Tony comes around he feels like he’s the only one who makes an effort to understand him.

Natasha always looks at him like she’s prepared for him to revert back to his Winter Soldier state, Clint follows her lead, Peter is a kid so he’s alright, and Steve always looks at him with these big doe eyes and tries to dredge up nostalgic memories he mostly doesn’t have. And he gets it, kind of, that Steve is lost. He can see that in the way he handles his life, and especially the way Steve handles _him_. It’s hard to be around him sometimes because he wants someone who doesn’t exist back, wants a _life_ that doesn’t exist back.

Bucky isn’t the guy Steve misses, and Steve hasn’t been the skinny kid from Brooklyn that he knew and loved for a long, _long_ time even before the war ended for them both. Its hard to be around someone who wants a fantasy back and most days Bucky feels like he’s mourning as much as Steve is because he’s lost everything from himself to his best friend. And it’s worse, seeing that Steve is right there in the flesh, but no longer the person Bucky knew. He thinks it’s hard for Steve too, but he doesn’t think Steve even realizes that he’s trying to grasp something long dead.

And then there’s Tony. He doesn’t walk on eggshells like Natasha and Clint, he doesn’t expect Bucky to be who he used to be like Steve, and he doesn’t seem to expect much of anything else out of him either. He just lets Bucky _be_ and that… shouldn’t have resulted in the strange set of feelings he has for Tony, not that he’d ever act on them, but here he is.

“Hey,” Tony murmurs, setting tea down on the small table in front of Bucky. He sits down beside him and Bucky stupidly looks over, earning a small smile from Tony despite being clearly sleep mussed. Bad plan, he looks adorable with his hair all over the place and his eyes half closed like he’s still half asleep. He turns away before he can linger on any of the thoughts flying through his mind. “You okay? JARVIS says you’ve been up here for awhile,” he says.

Yeah, so he knows. “Couldn’t sleep,” he tells Tony. Not uncommon for him all things considered. He knows Tony doesn’t sleep either so they talk sometimes, never about Bucky’s past unless he brings it up himself. It’s the thing he likes about Tony the best, that he doesn’t want to hear war stories, or relive his time as the Winter Soldier, or what he did for the year Steve spent chasing him down. He just lets Bucky talk, offering input here and there without ever pushing. Its nice to have the space to do what he wants without having to play the role of Steve’s Best Friend, or Wounded Soldier, or Dangerous Assassin or whatever.

Tony hums a little, nodding because he knows how insomnia works. “Anything keeping you awake?” he murmurs and that’s a question that requires a long answer. There’s a lot that keeps him awake, mostly nightmares about HYDRA but he doesn’t want to talk about it. The dreams are enough.

“Not really,” he says and he knows Tony doesn’t buy it.

“Wanna watch a movie?” he asks instead of pushing it like most other people would.

Does he? He has no idea, he hasn’t really caught up with film since his time because he doesn’t really have an interest but he doesn’t want Tony to leave either. Fuck its selfish; lusting after his best friend’s husband but no one else treats him like this either. Piss poor excuse, he knows, but he also knows he wouldn’t act on it. Not really. There’s no harm to a movie so he shrugs.

“What do you have in mind?” he asks. He knows Tony likes sci-fi novels but he has no idea if that translates to film.

Tony grins, “Wonder Woman is always my go to,” he says and Bucky raises an eyebrow.

“Like… the comic character?” he asks, feeling a bit stupid for it. But for all he knows Tony could have something else entirely in mind and the movie happens to have the name of a comic character from the forties.

Tony’s grin gets wider, “that’s the one. Its great, Diana was always my favorite Justice League character.”

“Justice League?” he asks, unfamiliar with the term.

For a moment Tony looks confused, “oh right, guess that was a bit after your time. Collection of superheroes working as a team. Wonder Woman is part of the team,” he says, thankfully not in that annoying patronizing way people did when he or Steve didn’t immediately get a reference to something. Happens a whole lot less to Steve now, given that he’s been around long enough to figure things out some but Bucky… hasn’t. Even his year on the run is fuzzy to him; he doesn’t remember most of it so clearly he didn’t catch up on much. He still loses time but he figures that’s what happens when HYDRA fries your brain for seventy years with electroshock torture.

“Is that what someone got their inspiration from for the Avengers? Because that’s what it sounds like.”

Obviously Tony hasn’t made the connection and honestly how could he _not_ but he throws his head back and laughs anyway. “Wow, didn’t take Fury for a comic guy but it does sound like basically the same thing. Maybe he did, who knows. You should ask him the next time you see him,” Tony says, eyes bright.

“Something tells me he wouldn’t like that question. Come on, lets go watch Wonder Woman,” he says, curious to see what was made of the comic character.

*

Tony doesn’t know why Bucky gets in his weird moods but it happens semi frequently. He’ll be more skittish, usually retreating to quiet areas around the Tower and he generally doesn’t care for touch as much. He also looks haunted, profoundly so, so Tony tries to distract him some. It helps when he’s feeling jittery; haunted by his own past, so he figures Bucky appreciates it. Given that Tony seems to be the only one he doesn’t eventually slip when he’s in one of these moods he thinks he does okay.

He doesn’t really expect much in the way of affection from Bucky, he never gets the same kind of attention when Bucky’s like this, so he’s surprised when Bucky wraps an arm around him. “You’re shivering,” he murmurs softly, sparing him a glance and yeah okay, he’d been a bit chilly from his trip outside and he already knows super soldiers run hot. He’s not sure why, research on it has proven inconclusive, but the warmth is nice so he settles into it as the movie plays. He’s familiar with the storyline, he’s seen the movie probably more than what’s normal, but for Bucky its new to he watches his reactions to it.

That’s probably why he doesn’t notice Steve walk in until it’s way too late to pull away from Bucky but to his surprise he doesn’t even react. “Wonder Woman. They changed a bunch from her original backstory,” Steve says.

“Kind of like this version better,” Bucky says and okay. Technically they didn’t change _that_ much anyway but Tony doesn’t feel like arguing it because if he does Steve will bring up that he was _there_ and Tony will bring up that he’s _read_ every Wonder Woman comic ever published so he’s not _missing_ information and it’ll be a mess.

“Thought you were a Batman fan?” Steve asks, playful.

“There’s Batman movies too. They suck, but they exist,” Tony says. “Except the George Clooney version but that’s not because its good, its because of the iconic bat suit with nipples on it.”

He doesn’t expect a laugh out of Bucky but he gets one. Tony thinks it’s the first time he’s ever heard Bucky laugh when in one of these moods and even Steve looks surprised so he’ll guess Steve hasn’t heard many laughs out of him either. “ _What_?” he asks and Tony grins, pulling his phone out of his pocket and finds a picture, showing Bucky, who starts laughing harder.

“I thought you were shitting me,” he says, doubling over a little. His arm tightens around him as he moves and Tony tries not to find joy in that given his husband is currently staring at him.

“There is no way that bat suit has nipples,” Steve says, looking a little irritated and is that jealousy or something else? Tony doesn’t _want_ to feel his heart flutter a little at that, like Steve’s _maybe_ upset by the image of his best friend with his arm around him laughing at something he brought up but it does. Tony extends his phone to Steve so he can see the bat nipples in their full glory and Steve wrinkles his nose at the image. “I stand corrected,” he mumbles.

“Bat nipples!” Bucky says, snorting.

“Boys,” Natasha says, hitting the scene with her red hair wild in her pajamas. “It is six thirty in the morning and therefore way to early to bring up the George Clooney bat nipples.”

“If it’s too early why are you up?” Tony counters but Nat nods at the TV.

“Wonder Woman theme woke me up and you know how I feel about Diana,” she says, walking over to the couch and throwing herself over it and half on to Tony, who yelps in protest. Bucky pulls him closer and Tony helps him out a little by moving closer himself because Natasha is a rude asshole who decided he’s a seat. Natasha frowns at them for a moment, eyes lingering on Bucky’s arm mostly around his waist now, before she hazards a glance over to Steve, who still doesn’t seem to have a problem with this. Natasha obviously sees something he doesn’t but she doesn’t say anything about it either.

Steve sighs, “Buck, you want coffee?” he asks and Bucky shakes his head.

“I have tea.” Because he only drinks tea if he’s in a mood, Tony wants to say, and he’s surprised Steve doesn’t know that. He doesn’t know _why_ Bucky doesn’t prefer his usual coffee when he’s like this but that’s how he works Tony guesses.

Tony would ask for coffee but he’s pretty sure that’d turn into an argument too so he leaves it, content to make his own coffee later when Natasha has decided to no longer use his lap as a pillow. Her feet hang over the edge of the couch and she’s giving him a _look_ like she’s trying to figure him out but he’s not someone she finds easy to read. Rare, for her, but then he finds her hard to read too and usually he’s pretty good at reading people so they have that in common. Steve eventually comes over with coffee and takes up residence beside Bucky, ignoring Tony as much as Tony is ignoring him. Natasha watches them as much as the movie, but whatever it is she notices she doesn’t feel the need to share. Tony is grateful for it because he doesn’t want to deal with it.

*

He’s not much paying attention as he makes his coffee hours late, stealing the pot from one very tired Peter even though it’s past noon, before Peter disappears with his own cup. Poor kid looks pissed off at the world, but Tony figures that’s normal for teenagers or at least it had been for him and Rhodey.

“Hey,” someone says and Tony jumps a little, turning to find Steve standing there. He looks Tony over like he’s trying to find something and Tony doesn’t know if he should be flattered Steve is looking in his direction at all or offended that he doesn’t really seem to be looking at him in any meaningful way. “What was that?” he asks, “earlier, with Bucky,” he adds when he seems to realize that his question is confusing.

Tony doesn’t want his stomach to flutter a little but its nice, the possibility that maybe Steve _did_ care about that even if he didn’t much look like he did. He’s got an impressive poker face though so maybe Tony didn’t pick up on his actual feelings. He sets his coffee aside and walks over, settling a hand on Steve’s hip. “Nothing,” he murmurs even though it’s not technically true. Steve looks down at him and there’s a bit of the warmth that used to be there when they got together- not much, but a little. It’s not something Tony shouldn’t jump at but he does, reaching forward and running his fingers along Steve’s jaw the way he likes. Honestly, he almost forgot he knew Steve’s preferences.

Steve catches his hand though, looking away and that warmth, however brief it was, is now gone. Tony wants to ask what the hell he wants, why he’d even bother to ask about Bucky if he obviously doesn’t fucking care but he leaves it. Instead he snatches his hand away from Steve and grabs his coffee, fleeing the room feeling a mix of pissed off and hurt.

He doesn’t intend to run into Bucky in the hall back to his room, used to be Steve’s room too not that he can remember the last time he slept there, and Bucky catches him before he stumbles into the wall. “Wow, okay. Uh. You okay?” he asks, clearly uncomfortable and out of that weird mood of his. They come and go frequently with no real pattern to them, Tony’s tried to find one. Sometimes it’s more frequent if someone mentions HYDRA or his past as the Winter Solider, but even then the correlation isn’t strong.

“I’m fine,” he says, sounding ridiculously unconvincing.

Bucky clearly doesn’t buy it because he gives Tony a _look_ , raising an eyebrow. “What is it?” he asks.

Oh, that’s a fucking list but right now he doesn’t really want to tell Bucky what his problem is all things considered. Bucky doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere though so he sighs, shaking his head. “Its stupid,” he says, “but sometimes I just wish Steve would pay attention to me the way he used to. I just… its _nice_ to feel wanted.” And it is stupid considering how much he and Steve seem to do anything but get along but they did get married for a reason however hard it is to remember most of the time. He wants that back, the intimacy of it.

Bucky snatches his coffee cup from his hand and Tony frowns at him. “Come with me,” Bucky says, walking off with his coffee and Tony follows because what little choice does he have? He wants that coffee back and also whatever Bucky is up to has to be better than whatever the hell Tony was about to spend the rest of his day doing. He follows Bucky into his bedroom, allowing Bucky to shift him out of the way to shut the door before he runs off to put Tony’s cup on the nightstand.

Once he drops it off he walks over to Tony’s bed and sits on the edge of it, giving Tony a languid look. “Come over here,” he says, extending a hand in Tony’s direction. He goes over mostly out of curiosity, placing his hand in Bucky’s as he gets close. Bucky draws him in, other hand reaching out to settle on his hip for a moment as he looks him over. The lust is obvious on his features and Tony squirms a bit under the attention. “Come on,” Bucky murmurs, gently pulling him forward so Tony half falls into his lap. He rearranges himself so he’s straddling Bucky and Bucky grins, running his hands up Tony’s sides.

“The first time I saw you I was so distracted that Steve’s fucking shield beaned me in the head,” he says and Tony frowns. “Yeah, that’s right. The only reason you guys even managed to catch me to bring me in is because you’re so fucking gorgeous. Know how long it’s been since I messed something like that up?” he asks. Tony shakes his head because he obviously doesn’t know. Bucky leans forward and kisses him softly. “Sixty seven years. I don’t _get_ distracted,” he tells Tony.

Tony laughs, shaking his head a little. “Do so. Steve distracted you,” he points out. “On the bridge.” Which is what started this whole mess and also relief efforts all over _Washington_ of all places. Usually their messes aren’t so domestic but Steve _had_ to go ruin Washington and get Fury killed. Okay, so maybe Fury wasn’t his fault and technically his death was slightly exaggerated but still.

Bucky shakes his head, “no he didn’t. I knew I knew him, but that didn’t change my orders or my focus. Not the way you did.”

“Yeah, well. You hadn’t been zapped in awhile,” Tony points out. Probably a factor, not being violently tortured so he forgets stuff.

“Tony,” Bucky tells him. “Listen to me. Just because Steve’s a fucking idiot who doesn’t know what he missing doesn’t mean no one else knows what he’s throwing away. Trust me, I’m not in the habit of ignoring gorgeous men who want my affection. Especially not when they look like you,” he murmurs, looking him over.

Tony smiles a little, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s shoulders. “That right, hmm?” he murmurs.

“What, do you want me to prove it?” he asks and Tony grins, pressing himself in close.

“Well, couldn’t hurt.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we finally get some of Steve's PoV! Sam's PoV will become relevant later as well, but for now just Steve!

Steve comes running up behind Sam, who’s clearly trying not to fall over dead from over exertion like he does every time they do this. “You’re slacking,” Steve tells him, laughing as Sam’s eyes all but bug out of his head.

“ _Slacking_?” he asks, utter disbelief in his tone.

“Just saying, I’ve passed you like seven times,” he points out. He picks up speed a little, laughing more as Sam tries to keep up miserably.

“This is not a fair competition! You got injected with steroids on crack, I’m just a man!” Sam huffs out, trying to keep up nonetheless. “If you were still skinny I’d have you beat,” he adds.

Steve throws his head back and laughs, “Sam, a damn _turtle_ could win a race against me skinny. That’s not an accomplishment,” he says and slows down some for Sam’s benefit given that the poor guy looks like he’s about to keel over. Props to Sam for his stubbornness. Sam slows too, obviously happy for the break.

“Yeah okay, time out on account of I think I might be dying,” he says, jogging over to a patch of grass and throwing himself on it haphazardly. Steve walks over even though he’s not out of breath or exerting himself any really. Running isn’t something that requires a lot of energy out of him but he likes the activity. And, if he’s honest, the time away from Tony. These days its hard to remember why they even got together to begin with, especially given that they didn’t really get along in the start. Maybe he should have taken that as a warning instead of a sign that they’d moved past their initial animosity.

“I’m sure you’re not dying,” Steve tells Sam, smiling at him as he sits down beside him.

Sam continues to breathe heavily for a few minutes and Steve lets him catch his breath. He looks ridiculous, spread out across the ground in work out gear and sweating but Steve thinks it has its own brand of appeal. He doesn’t do it on purpose, check Sam out, and he has no idea when that even started being a thing. But Sam is soft, and funny, and unlike Tony not every fucking thing turns into an argument over nothing. Even when he _has_ argued with Sam it’s always good natured. And Sam takes an interest in his life, asks about how he’s doing. On the best of days Tony doesn’t even manage to drag his ass out of his lab long enough to care about anything Steve does. And even if he has appeared for longer than it takes to get a cup of coffee and disappear again he either has no interest in the things that interest Steve, or it’s to do something with Peter.

“You look like you’re thinking pretty hard over there,” Sam says, apparently having caught his breath in the time it took Steve to contemplate his many marriage issues.

He sighs, “well, these days I always have something on my mind.” Be it some thing he hadn’t caught up on, usually some missing piece of history that explains why people act the way they do, some weird new thing that only Peter’s generation seems to know anything about, Avengers business, or his mess of a personal life there’s always something.

“Tony,” Sam says, guessing correctly like he usually does.

“Yeah,” he confirms.

Sam props himself up on his elbow, giving Steve a lazy look. “Same issues continued?” he asks and Steve nods. “You know, I’ve kind of heard it all by now but what _exactly_ is it that’s the problem between you two? Because there must be something that makes you two bicker all the damn time, some trait or set of actions or something that sets the two of you off.”

Steve laughs harshly, “yeah, his _entire_ personality. What the hell do I do with that, tell him to get a personality transplant?” he asks, shaking his head.

Sam doesn’t look impressed with the answer. “Don’t give me that. I’ve been dealing with people long enough to know that relationship problems are usually the result of a disconnect somewhere along the line that causes everything else to fall apart like a domino effect. What’s your disconnect?” he asks.

At least he doesn’t act like an asshole when Steve doesn’t immediately understand what he means like Tony does. He sighs, “I told you- pretty much everything. We don’t have the same parenting style, I’m positive he loves his damn _machines_ more than me, we have nothing in common, and at this point I think he’s more friendly with _Clint_ than me and I happen to know he likes Clint the least out of all of us.” He finds Clint in theory more interesting than Clint in practice, his words. Which Steve found funny at the time even if he’d scolded Tony for being mean but now its just irksome.

“Mhm. But you knew all that before marrying the guy, I’m sure,” Sam says. “So what happened after?”

Steve considers that a moment because that’s a good point. It’s not like his and Tony’s differences weren’t obvious to begin with, they didn’t start out liking each other. “I don’t know,” he says honestly. “It just feels like whatever progress was made in our relationship isn’t there anymore. At this point I don’t even think he’s trying.” Doesn’t feel like he is anyway, minus a few snatches of moments where it feels like he offers a throwaway token of appreciation that’s gone as fast as it comes and there’s no pattern to it. It’s all just whatever Tony feels like tossing his way at his convenience.

“Are you?” Sam asks. “Trying, I mean. If he isn’t putting in any effort in it might be because he thinks you aren’t.”

He’d like to get defensive but Sam isn’t entirely wrong so he holds back his ego however much he wants to point out Tony started this entire mess. He’s the one who sequestered himself away in the lab most of the time and acted like his fancy gadgets were a replacement for an actual relationship. “No sense in putting effort into something I don’t see as salvageable,” he says. Harsh, but true.

“But you’re mad he doesn’t put in any effort? If he feels the same way you do that’s a bit hypocritical of you. Wild suggestion here, but maybe talk to the guy,” Sam tells him. “Guaranteed to help solve your problems.”

Snorting is absolutely not the appropriate response but he can’t help it. “Uh, no. Talking with Tony without it turning into a knock down drag out argument is like asking for a kitten to give birth to a rhino. Not happening.” They can’t even have a simple conversation with small talk anymore without it resulting in them yelling over who drank the coffee last or some other stupid thing that shouldn’t matter.

Sam throws himself back on the ground. “Why exactly is it that you stay with him if you hate this damn marriage so much? Because there is this nifty little thing called a divorce and it sounds like you might need one,” Sam points out.

Yeah, like that’s not a whole other set of issues. “And risk screwing up Avengers business? Probably not smart.” Not, Steve thinks, when things attack New York every other week. He _needs_ Tony as much as he doesn’t want to admit it. Not only does Tony fund most everything for the team, but he’s the one who designs all their stuff, and he’s integral to how things run in the field. Mess that up and that could cost lives and Steve’s not willing to risk that.

Sam considers him and Steve knows he’s holding something back but he doesn’t say whatever is on his mind. “Something tells me that might already be messed up,” he says instead.

*

Tony might find lingering in his room with Bucky in his bed all kinds of stupid if Steve still spent any time in here but he doesn’t so he figures he’s probably safe from prying eyes. And its nice, sitting curled up under Bucky’s arm watching Star Wars because some _heathen_ hasn’t caught him up on the franchise but exposed him to Star Trek. Probably Natasha because she’s the worst. Bucky traces his fingertips over his arm and the soft bit of contact is a pleasant reminder of his affections.

“Don’t think sci-fi is my thing,” he says and Tony turns to give him what must be a rather offended look because Bucky laughs. “I take it you’re a fan?”

“A _fan_?” he asks, incredulous. “Star Wars is _iconic_ , Barnes. This is my childhood.”

Bucky turns to give the TV a pitying look. “Well, Steve did say your childhood wasn’t pleasant. Guess this is what he meant.”

Tony doesn’t mean to sputter but he does. “Oh _excuse_ you Star Wars is a good childhood memory, its Howard that I hated!”

“Why is that? Not that I think you need a reason exactly, but you do seem to hate the guy an unusual amount,” Bucky says. He doesn’t look judgmental, or skeptical. Just a little curious and Tony appreciates that because no one ever seems to just _ask_ why he hates Howard.

He sighs, “very long set of stories short he seemed to like me better as a punching bag than a kid. Then he had the balls to leave me some fucking video talking about how I was his greatest creation,” he says, shaking his head in a mix of anger and annoyance.

“You’re a person, not a thing. You aren’t a creation to be proud of,” Bucky says, a little anger creeping into his tone and that’s interesting.

But that’s not what Tony chooses to focus on at the moment. “ _Thank_ you,” he says, surprised by the gratitude in his voice. Bucky seems to be too and he frowns.

“For what?”

Tony laughs but it comes out harsh. “Everyone in my life has either told me to be grateful to Howard or acted like I was him. People don’t let me exist outside of who he is,” he murmurs.

“To be clear, he abused you,” Bucky says and Tony nods, perhaps unnecessarily. “And people knew about it, I assume?” he asks more than states. Tony nods again. “And people acted like you should be _grateful_ to that?”

“He did a lot for the world,” Tony says in place of a real explanation.

“The guy _helped_ make a bomb, you’ve saved the world on multiple occasions. From what I understand you made the company a lot more successful, and you managed to achieve world peace that one time. How the hell is it that you’d be compared to Howard like you don’t measure up when his greatest accomplishment was being on a research team?” he asks, shaking his head.

Tony smiles, settling into Bucky’s side, curling his fingers around Bucky’s. “People haven’t compared us in a long time, so maybe the public finally agrees with you,” he murmurs. Only took most of his life to get to this point, which he resents, but he managed to get here nonetheless. He’ll take it.

“That’s probably the best revenge you could have gotten, you know,” he says and Tony raises an eyebrow at him. “Being so _relevant_ that you made him a footnote in your story, someone who will be remembered as your father rather than being remembered for his own research. I wish I could do that, but HYDRA will always overshadow who I am,” he says bitterly.

It’s a sad admission. A painful one. Tony’s grip tightens his grip on Bucky’s hand, happy that Bucky seems to accept the comfort as his fingers tighten around Tony’s too. “You never know. I mean, for all we know you could have killed JFK and people would be pretty excited to know about that. Conspiracy theories have been going around pretty much since it happened.”

Bucky frowns, “I did kill JFK and I still did it because of HYDRA so that doesn’t really work,” he says and Tony whips around.

“You _what_? That wasn’t even one of the theories!”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Steve sort of ends up being a bigger ass than intended so I think I may have Sam therapy Tony some to balance out the narrative. Because Tony is a Certified Dumb Bitch too and Sam should run up his ass too. And also because I like writing Sam because he's sassy and good with people. I'm always fond of writing characters that give me new perceptions on other characters so I may include more Sam&Tony than I initially anticipated!
> 
> But uh. Be warned that Steve acts a fool. Not that everyone else (mostly Tony) isn't also acting a fool but I think Steve ends up acting most a fool.

Tony doesn’t know if he should be happy or resentful that Steve makes an effort to hold his hand- all in the name of public image he knows. He doesn’t bother when they’re alone, more than happy to leave Tony to suffer by himself. Tony never really has done well on his own and he supposes it shows now all things considered. Leave him alone too long and apparently he decides it’s a good idea to get with his husband’s best friend. Actually that’s pure selfishness on his part, but still.

The benefit to this stupid stunt is that Bucky looks _pissed_. Tony’s never really been one to care for the jealous types, they always reminded him a bit too much of Howard, but there’s something different about the way Bucky glares at Steve’s hand in his. It takes him almost the whole night to figure out that the difference is that Bucky is glaring at _Steve_ , not him. Tony milks it for a few hours until he gets annoyed of being attached to Steve and then he lets go, prepared to go find Natasha and hide in the shadows with her. Steve gives him a _look_ when he drops his hand and Tony shakes his head almost imperceptibly. “We played our parts, we’re done here,” he murmurs. It’s too low for anyone else to hear it, but with Steve’s hearing he would.

He doesn’t miss the confused look on his face but he doesn’t bother to stick around to deal with it either because he’s got better things to do. Natasha isn’t hard to find either, hiding behind some plants to avoid dealing with the press with a glass of vodka in her hand. There was a time when looking at it would have been almost a little too tempting for him to be around but he’s mostly trained himself out of that. Now he only ever seems to want to drink if he’s forced to deal with Steve for too long. Or if he’s done something to try and get a little attention out of him only to fail miserably, depends on what kind of day he’s having.

She considers him for a moment, eyes narrowed. “What’s going on between you and Barnes?” she asks bluntly.

Tony’s impressed that he manages to hold reacting to that in a meaningful way. “Uh, what?” he asks, squinting a little.

Natasha examines his features, likely reading him for any detection of a lie but he hasn’t lied, he just asked a question. “Didn’t expect you to be the harder one to read,” she murmurs. Tony frowns a little and Natasha rolls her eyes. “I’m a damn good spy Tony, and I’ve known you for years. You think I don’t know what you look like when you’re trying to make someone jealous? God knows your efforts on Steve never work well so imagine my surprise when your target was _Bucky_. So I’ll ask again- what is going on between you two?”

“Nothing,” Tony says and it’s not exactly a lie. But it’s a good stretch of the truth all things considered.

“Fine, pretend I have no idea that you’re lying. Even if you don’t notice there’s absolutely something happening on Bucky’s end. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look that pissed off at anything that isn’t a reporter hounding him about HYDRA,” she says.

Yeah, he tends to look a whole lot more pissed off at reporters but alright. Unless he’s in one of those moods, then he mostly just avoids reporters and most everyone else too. “Yeah, you actually suck at reading me and you always have. And Bucky… he’s weird. You know this,” he says.

“Bucky’s only weird when he’s in a mood and he’s not in a mood he’s normal and he’s been trying to kill Steve with dirty looks all night. And you’re not so stupid that you haven’t noticed either, you always notice when people notice you,” she says. “Probably because you’re an attention whore,” she mumbles.

Yeah, guilty as charged. “I haven’t noticed anything odd,” he says, which is kind of true considering Bucky doesn’t seem to like Steve much on the best of days even before… whatever is happening started happening. Plausible deniability given that Bucky’s obvious interest in him has been evident for some time at least to him. Clearly it’s new to Natasha or maybe she held off on saying something until she thought he acted on Bucky’s interest. In which case props to her, she guessed the time frame right.

Natasha rolls her eyes, “half truths won’t save you forever,” she says and given the look of triumph on her face he must give something away. She considers him for a moment and sighs, “I don’t actually know anything so I’m going keep quiet for now. But don’t think I won’t tell Steve if I find out something more,” she tells him.

He doesn’t really expect anything less so he shrugs, “fair enough,” he murmurs.

“Just _leave_ Tony, its not like you’re trapped here,” she points out. “Steve I get- without you he doesn’t have a whole lot left but you’re the one with the money, housing, resources- what the hell are you doing?”

She’s looks confused and maybe she has a right to be, though Steve isn’t near as helpless as she makes out. He’s Captain fucking America- literally everyone in the country would house him just to say they did. He sure shit doesn’t need Tony or his resources and he lived through the fucking Great Depression back when he was skinny. Tony has no doubt that he’s a survivor- he’d do fine without Tony not that he’d kick Steve out. They still have Avengers business to deal with; they need to be close minus Thor.

“Look, I’m not in the habit of disrupting my kid’s life- I’ve fucked up enough for him with my selfish bullshit. There’s no need to fuck this up too,” he says, shaking his head.

“You realize that you and Steve hate each other, right? I hate to be the one to break the news, but this isn’t better for Peter and you hid your alcoholism well. _Too_ well considering most people wrote it off as part of the obvious PTSD symptoms you were showing. I highly doubt Peter blames you for a mental illness you never asked for,” she says. “And even I’m tired of you two bickering.”

He sighs, “so we fight, its not that bad and he’s mostly not around for it, I make sure of it. He’s got a couple years of high school left and then he’s in college, I’ll ask for a divorce then.” Then Peter is out of the house making his own life and he doesn’t have to deal with the fact that Tony fucking impulse married Captain America that one time. Okay, it wasn’t so much an impulse as it was a flat out bad decision but still. A couple years for Peter’s sake, keep things steady and then he can lose Steve and they can move on with their lives while Peter builds his own away from home.

Natasha gives him a skeptical look. “Fine. You’ll have to consider Avengers business though,” she points out and he shakes his head.

“Not a problem, that’s totally different than our marriage. Even if I’d prefer you to be in charge on account of actually liking you,” he says.

She snorts, “if you think that’ll butter me up it won’t. I’d prefer to be in charge too though,” she says, grinning. “Keep your relationship with Barnes to yourself,” she adds, walking off before he can deny a relationship exists.

*

“‘We played our parts, we’re done here.’ What the hell does that even _mean_?” Steve asks, face all screwed up like he’s genuinely too stupid to know what that means. Sam knows he isn’t but lets him play dumb for the sake of being pissed off.

Honestly, this isn’t how he imagined he’d spend his time not in the army, gossiping with an American legend about how much his marriage sucks. There’s a whole lot of other things he hadn’t anticipated about this too, like the fact that he genuinely likes Steve. Probably a little too much if he’s deciding to be truthful and its not like the affection isn’t returned not that he’d ever act on it. Window shopping is hardly against the law though and Steve’s got plenty to look at not that it sounds like Tony takes him up on it. Which is weird, considering his reputation and Sam knows he’s missing something; probably a lot of somethings because he’s learned plenty of things about Steve and a big one of those things is that he’s damn dense. Doesn’t seem to notice stuff outside his immediate orbit, which is true of most people but for Steve it’s a little extreme.

“Sounds like he’s aware that your relationship in public is entirely performative. Which it is, by the way, so I don’t know why you’re mad about him pointing it out,” Sam says, raising an eyebrow.

Steve slumps a little, “just because its true doesn’t mean he should say it,” he mumbles.

“Meaning you don’t like hearing the truth even though you know its true,” Sam translates. “Look. I get that him pointing out that you two put on a show hurts your feelings, but what else would you have preferred?” he asks.

“It would be nice if he just shut up,” Steve says.

“Like you seem to think you need to? Tony’s not the type to keep quiet about anything Steve, you know that. Frankly it’s a trait of his you should learn because you clearly have a bad habit of just _dealing_ with things. Barring situations where you have no choice that’s not a way to live,” Sam tells him. “You don’t just _deal_ with things you hate if you can actively get rid of them.”

Steve rolls his eyes, “I can’t just get _rid_ of Tony no matter how much I kind of want to launch him into space,” he says and Sam shouldn’t laugh, its not like Tony seems to have done much of anything wrong aside from irritate the _shit_ out of Steve but the way he put that was kind of funny.

“Yeah, pretty sure he’d just launch himself back. Dude’s damn hard to get rid of, people keep trying and they fail pretty badly. Don’t think you’d be more successful. And I’m not asking you to launch Tony into space; I’m asking you to consider whether or not you actually want this relationship. Because you do seem to get pretty pissed off when Tony does something or another to indicate disinterest in you,” he points out. And, despite Steve’s half wandering eye because he’s not stupid, he damn well knows Steve has a thing for him, he wonders if Steve is so pissed off because he’s still invested on some level. People don’t tend to get pissed off about people they don’t really care about.

He sees Steve consider it before he lets out a sharp sigh. “I don’t know Sam, sometimes I want what we had back and most of the rest of the time I wonder if we even have anything left to salvage.”

“Okay. Well, why does Tony not participating in your relationship the way you’d like bother you? Figuring out why that bothers you so much is a good start,” he says, raising an eyebrow.

“This is supposed to be a marriage- it’d be nice if he participated in it,” Steve mumbles but that’s total bullshit and Sam knows it.

“Don’t hide behind traditionalism, it doesn’t suit you. From what I know of your past, and what I _absolutely_ know of you right now, ‘that’s the way things are supposed to be’ hasn’t ever been a motto you’ve resonated with. Neither has Tony. In a perfect world you’re actually pretty suited to each other. Opposites, but on the same end of the spectrum. That’s ideal, really.” He hadn’t been as surprised as everyone else when they got together but maybe that’s because he knows things about psychology and has always had an affinity for people not that he’s always appreciated that gift. They’re a good fit, or at least they would be if it hadn’t gone horribly wrong somewhere along the way.

Steve laughs a little, shaking his head. “Yeah, Tony and I are about as suited to each other as oil and water. Never really understood the ‘opposites attract’ thing.”

Does so; it’s probably why he married Tony to begin with. “Steve. Tony might be impulsive but you aren’t, not in that way anyway. You married him for a reason, and whether you want to believe it or not you are genuinely well suited to each other. The fact that it seems to have gone to shit is more of an unfortunate coincidence,” Sam says.

Steve raises an eyebrow at him, “oh yeah? And what the hell drew you to that conclusion?” he asks, bumping his shoulder into Sam’s playfully.

Sam snorts, “basic observations skills, Rogers. You’re a living legend, someone who will never outlive his time in World War Two even if that’s not the man you’ve been for a long time. Tony’s a celebrity, and one that lives in the shadow of his father _and_ his actions that even he finds reprehensible now. He doesn’t get to escape those legacies either. Both of you have these… public personas, people you need to pretend to be when others are around, masks neither of you really get the opportunity to put down. In a lot of ways the way we treat Tony as a celebrity is the same as the way we treat you as a legend. Its dehumanizing and erases who you are in favor of who we need you to be.”

Something he says must resonate with Steve because he leans in a little, eyes dropping to Sam’s lips for a moment before he looks away, frowning a little. Temptation was almost a little too tempting, if Sam were to guess. And clearly it wasn’t comparing him to Tony that left him feeling that was so Sam figures he got general analysis of Steve right. Probably not something that happens often for him.

“Maybe. Except Tony has a mask he wears in private too, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him take that off,” Steve murmurs and there it is, the reason Sam is _sure_ led to the breakdown of their marriage. So he feels like Tony hasn’t let him in, or that he’s actively working to keep him out, and it’s led to resentment. Probably something similar on Tony’s end too.

Sam shrugs, “if I were Tony I wouldn’t either, not with a history like that,” he says, shaking his head. Steve frowns at him and Sam sighs. “Steve, the man was so violently abused by his father he regularly made comments about it like it was normal and people _laughed_. They still do. And being a celebrity is basically being in an abusive relationship with the public. Plus his business partner and secondary father figure tried to kill him, and outside that he has _one_ friendship that isn’t also linked to him having someone on his payroll. The guy has lived a terribly isolated life in which almost every important person in it has either abused him or straight up tried to kill him. You think people can live through circumstances like that and come out trusting on the other side?”

He can see Steve think about it, consider the possibility that Tony’s abuse did a lot to shape who he is before she sighs, shaking his head. “He hasn’t had any of that happen for years, its not like we treat him badly,” he points out and Sam laughs.

“You damn well know that’s not how trust issues work. Besides that, Natasha came into his life as a spy from what I gather, you two didn’t start off in a good way, and you sure shit didn’t end up in a decent relationship. The other Avengers… doesn’t sound like he’s all that close to them outside of admiring Bruce’s scientific discoveries and that kind of admiration is nice, but not a trusting relationship. What’s that leave him with? His kid, who he probably thinks is too young or immature to do any kind of lasting damage? Come on Steve, after a lifetime of abuse you don’t decide suddenly everyone in your life, half of which didn’t start even remotely well, suddenly makes all that go away,” Sam points out.

Steve gives him a sour look. “Who’s side are you on?” he mumbles and Sam laughs.

“Yours- in case you haven’t noticed I’m _trying_ to help you see Tony in a different light than you do now, one that makes you remember why you were with him to begin with,” he says. Granted this would be a lot more helpful with Tony around to point out all the good things about Steve that had attracted him to begin with but he’ll make do with what he’s got.

He gets a small smile out of Steve even if he shakes his head a little, a subconscious reaction Sam is sure. “I appreciate the effort, but I’m pretty sure your efforts are for nothing.”

Sam bumps his shoulder against Steve’s, “rude!” he says, pretending to be offended. Steve laughs, face looking a lot brighter with the action.

*

Sam doesn’t come here often but he needs _someone_ to talk to and Riley used to be that person. As much as he likes to preach about healthy relationships and support systems at the VA he does a piss poor job of it himself. “I can’t believe you got your stupid ass killed. You should be here for this because my thing for idiot ass white guys continues. First there was you, and we all know how that ended, and now I’ve outdone myself by finding the dumbest white guy ever. Did not see Captain America being that guy coming but uh. How do you deal with a minor attraction to a married guy?” he asks, squinting at Riley’s gravestone like he’ll answer Sam’s question.

He’s like ninety percent sure Riley would tell him the common denominator here is Sam, Dumbass Extraordinaire and he’s not wrong. Sam isn’t the same brand of impulsive as Steve or Tony but he does have an impulsive streak. He’d also probably tell Sam to find a way to kill this stupid crush because he’s a grown ass man, not a grade schooler. But how does he do that? Steve’s sweet, if obviously misguided, and he’s funny too, and intelligent in ways Sam didn’t expect. And shockingly not racist for a dude who grew up in a time where segregation was a thing. That’s probably the most surprising thing about Steve but that’s more of a result of him hearing that people are a product of their time and Steve so clearly isn’t. He could be too, and people would forgive him for it more than likely, but by all means he does appear to have adjusted everything he knows to modern times.

Not that Steve’s clear level of intelligence and empathy is a good reason for lusting after the dude even if he _is_ hot. He’s a little mad Stark is out here squandering that for the rest of them because shit, you don’t need to like a person to kiss them. “There’s an idea,” he says more to himself than Riley’s grave. “Ten bucks says a nice conversation with Tony will kill this dumb crush of mine. You know, remind myself he’s a real person and not the mythical figure I see on TV or the asshole Steve describes. Probably be good for me,” he says, nodding to himself. “Maybe I should visit your grave more often, forces me to problem solve because I hate the smell of lilies.”

And he misses Riley terribly but he doesn’t say that. He wouldn’t need to, if Riley were around. If there is such thing as an after life he wouldn’t need to say it if he’s dead either.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony finds Bucky on the roof looking more haunted than usual. “Hey,” he says, setting a cup of tea down in front of him. “You don’t look so good,” he adds, noting that Bucky looks a lot more pale than normal.

Bucky hazards a glance over to him and the dark circles under his eyes do little to convince Tony that he’s okay. He’s shaking a little too, even if its clear he’s got some control over it. Tony recognizes the signs and reaches out, settling a hand on Bucky’s. “Look, panic attacks suck and none of the usual advice worked all that well for me so I don’t really know how to help here except to tell you distractions are helpful. Things that require attention and focus. Peter’s video games ended up being what I used to distract myself. Thought engineering might work but that comes naturally, the math, building, the way things all come together. Didn’t use enough brainpower. I suck at video games; trying not to die consistently in the game actually required me to focus on what I was doing so um. Find whatever that is for you, it’ll help.”

Bucky lets out a shaky breath and sighs. “You help. Keep talking,” he says like that didn’t make every word Tony has ever known vacate from his head.

Fuck sakes, how the hell- Peter. Good topic, kind of on topic considering his previous rant. “Did I ever tell you how I ended up with Peter?” he asks and Bucky frowns.

“Aren’t you his father?” he asks like that’s relevant.

Tony nods, “yeah, but his mother thought I was an irresponsible fuckhead and she was right. She ended up with this guy, Richard, shortly after we had slept together. Nice guy, top of his field. Brilliant and apparently fine with raising another guy’s kid. Would have been a great father but the poor bastard was killed in a nasty car accident. Mary too. By some miracle Peter lived. Poor kid, six months old and already parentless. Anyway, guess Mary told her sister in law about who the actual father was because May ended up on my doorstep.”

“Why didn’t Peter end up with her?” Bucky asks.

Peter probably would have been better off with May too, if he continued the way he had been at the time. “She was a minor at the time, seventeen, so she couldn’t take him. Which left me. Pepper thought she was nuts but the kid was six months old and I hadn’t heard of him before that, the person who came to me was a minor, and I happened to know Mary well. No one in her life seemed like the type to pull something like that for money. Even if that wasn’t true waiting six months seems a little weird. May didn’t ask for money anyway, she just wanted me to take Peter so he didn’t end up in the system. Pepper wanted a DNA test but I already knew what it would say. Sometimes you just know but I let her do her thing anyway. And I went to rehab.” Didn’t end up being successful, not permanently anyway. But for a time he got his shit together.

“Rehab?” Bucky asks and Tony nods.

“I have a long history of addiction. Started drinking young, kind of helped block everything out. Eventually that wasn’t enough anymore so I got into drugs too, hard drugs. That shit will straight up make you forget entire days at a time, weeks even but that’s what I wanted. I’m sure you know I lost my parents in a car crash too. When Peter showed up, orphaned the same way I was… I’m not entirely sure I would have cared if he wasn’t technically my kid. He needed a home.” Not that anyone in his life was fond of that idea at first. May, even at her age, correctly thought he was too irresponsible but thought he was the lesser of two evils and Pepper probably thought the same even if she covered it under ‘are you sure that kid is yours?’ Rhodey never said anything explicitly but Tony knows him well enough that he never needed to _say_ anything for Tony to know what he thought. His disapproving looks were more than enough.

“Steve said you went to rehab not that long ago,” Bucky says and Tony nods again.

“After New York I started drinking again. Couldn’t handle the memories, its like they wouldn’t get out of my head and I just… I just wanted some fucking peace once and awhile. Needless to say my stupid and erratic behavior didn’t really end well for me,” he murmurs. Or anyone else. Peter had been the one to bring up PTSD but he hadn’t known about the drinking at that point, he’d just found Tony having a panic attack or ten in various places he thought he was well hidden in. Turns out half his generation is so traumatized by the world they live in they regularly get panic attacks too so he happened to know more about them than anyone else. Tony doesn’t think its fair that explaining all that shit had been put on him but like always Peter handled it all with grace.

Bucky leans into him a little. “I can relate. I swear every time I think things are going well something happens to make it all come back. I smell something, or see something, or I have a dream, or something else. I just want to live a normal life,” he murmurs.

Tony squeezes his thigh. “Sorry to tell you this but that’ll never happen. The key isn’t to make it go away, it’s to learn to live with it. Minimize it until it doesn’t bother you as much. I know that sounds impossible and trust me when I first went to therapy it seemed like it. Apparently I still have high levels of anxiety and tendency to catastrophize things but it doesn’t feel like it’s suffocating me anymore.” He knows how to get himself out of panic attacks at least, so he doesn’t need Peter to try and do it for him when no kid should ever have to deal with that. And he knows a lot of his fears, while rational in some ways, aren’t rational in a lot of others. Which he already knew, but he can at least remind himself of that without immediately dismissing his own thoughts now. This level of peace was hard fucking won but he’s managed.

“Maybe I should go to therapy,” Bucky murmurs and Tony snorts.

“Given your history you should live in a psych ward,” he says, earning a suspicious look from Bucky that has Tony confused until he remembers how people used to treat the mentally ill in Bucky’s time.

“We stopped locking people up forever and letting them sit in their own shit for ages,” he says. “Now psych wards are mostly okay. Flawed certainly, but sanitary at least.”

He doesn’t expect Bucky to laugh a little but he does. “Well that’s… good,” he says, shaking his head. “Got any other distractions up your sleeve?” he asks.

He doesn’t, not exactly. “I uh… I mean maybe video games work for you too?” he asks more than states.

*

Bucky can see why video games had been useful in helping Tony stay focused on anything but his panic because this damn game is _hard_ and how do people even stay on this stupid track half the time and Tony keeps throwing _banana peels_ and _turtles_ at him of all things. When he’s hit by some weird blue turtle shell thing Tony cackles because he’s an asshole who apparently has a desire to see him suffer.

“Did you just _blue shell_ him? Dick move, dad,” Peter says, walking over to them and sitting beside Tony on the floor. He moves with an amount of grace Bucky hadn’t initially found all that weird until he saw the way he used to move around a year ago. He hadn’t paid much attention to the kid when he’d first been brought in, but once he got used to being here he noticed that Peter moves similarly to Steve even if he’s obviously picked up a few mannerisms from Tony. He might not find that so odd if, a year ago according to the old news footage, Peter moved totally differently and he’s pretty sure testosterone doesn’t result in Peter’s overhauled level of grace. And he’s also pretty sure his transition started more than a year ago so that wouldn’t explain it anyway.

So far though he has no clue why Peter seems to have developed a new gracefulness and Tony’s offended look distracts him. Its so stupid, Bucky thinks, that Tony’s simple expressions even have the ability to distract him the way they do. He’s beautiful sure, but Bucky isn’t exactly new to beauty even if he’s not really seen the kind Tony has. Still, regardless of how pretty his dark eyes are, especially framed with those thick lashes of his- and since _when_ are eyelashes attractive- he should have enough of a damn grip on himself not to stare so much. Yes, his expressive features are a joy to watch, and Bucky has wanted to see if Tony’s hair is as soft as it looks almost since the moment they met but he’s a grown man. He’s an _old_ man; he should have a grip on himself.

“ _Bucky_ ,” Tony says and he blinks, cheeks turning a little red when he realizes that that’s definitely not the first time Tony has said his name. Tony smiles though, shaking his head a little. “Want another tea?” he asks and Bucky shrugs.

“Sure,” he says, watching as Peter scampers off into the kitchen but its Steve he notices as Peter walks by. Bucky probably should have noticed him before given that he’s not exactly small but frankly Tony is nicer to look at. Steve is looking at him like he knows this too, that Bucky is more interested in Tony than he should be. He’d be worried about it if Steve had any real proof of his stupid crush but he doesn’t and Bucky wouldn’t act on it anyway. Maybe he and Steve don’t connect the way they used to but that’s no excuse to sleep with his husband.

Tony looks between him and Steve, clearly trying to work out the wordless communication there for a half a second before he abandons his efforts. “Ten bucks says I can beat you again,” Tony says, grinning at him.

Bucky rolls his eyes and gives Tony’s shoulder a shove. “You only won because I don’t know how to play all that well,” he tells him.

Tony raises an eyebrow, clearly not in agreement with Bucky’s assessment. “Absolutely not. Rematch, and I will win because I’m superior at Mario.”

“Its true, its because he’s Italian,” Peter says from the kitchen.

“Kid, you say that like you aren’t also Italian. Hurry up with the coffee,” Tony tells him. Steve doesn’t say anything, he just watches with something like confusion on his face as Tony and Peter start bickering back and forth. Bucky thinks he’s looking for something but what that is is anyone’s guess.

*

Steve shakes his head and Sam really is kicking himself for his thing for dumb white guys. Its like he puts some kind of energy out into the world and they flock to him, but dumber every time. Riley was stupid, but sometimes he had a shred of common sense and emotional awareness but Steve Rogers is Lost Boy Extraordinaire and Sam, god help him, actually likes sorting his issues out. He’s good at fixing other people’s problems and it’s a good distraction from his own. He likes that the feeling of making other people feel better for a little while.

“I wasn’t jealous because of _Tony_ , I was jealous because of _Bucky_ ,” Steve says and Sam raises an eyebrow because plot twist, okay. “I… just wanted my best friend back and now he’s here and we just don’t click the way we used to and for some reason he seems to like Tony better than me. The way him, Peter, and Tony act its more like _they’re_ the family than we are,” he says.

Well shit, that’s interesting. Sam’s kind of half hoping Steve will invite him back to the Tower at some point just because this seems like an interesting form of entertainment, watching the happenings of random Avengers. “You do realize that you and Bucky have gone through huge amounts of trauma and life experiences that turned you both into vastly different people than you used to be, right? Not clicking the way you used to isn’t a slight against you, that’s just how people work. You’re going to need to work at your relationship with him as the guy he turned into rather than expecting the guy he was. You aren’t the guy you were either,” Sam reminds him.

“People grow together,” Steve mumbles and he’s not wrong but he’s not right either.

“Operative word being ‘together’ here. You two went through stuff separately- you didn’t adjust to who you were as you were changing, you got tossed together after you went through a bunch of shit. Its natural that you don’t get along like you used to,” he says. “Liking Tony in any capacity is probably just a coincidence,” he adds.

Steve doesn’t seem to believe his words but that’s because Steve is a certified dumbass. Sam knows he’s right and he’ll convince Steve of it at some point, whenever he’s ready to accept that Sam’s not trying to bullshit him. “You didn’t see them together,” he says, looking away for a moment.

“What about that bothers you, exactly? Because from what I understand you have a good relationship with Peter even if you’re on shakier ground with Bucky and Tony.” At least one of these relationships is secure so Sam’s wondering why, or if, that one in particular seems to have stung Steve some.

He sighs. “Because he actually looked happy. He doesn’t look like that when it’s me and Tony around,” he says and Sam snorts.

“Yeah, hot take- that’s because you hate each other and he knows it. Obviously he’s going to be uncomfortable around that,” Sam tells him. “That’s not anything against you, that’s just normal teenager wanting to avoid parental conflict and finding more joy in a situation where there is none.”

He lets Steve work through that, process it a little because he’s pretty sure Steve still feels some kind of something that he’s not letting on. Whatever it is it’ll come on its own time and when Steve lets out a soft sigh he figures maybe he’s ready to let it out. “Sometimes it feels like I’m on the outside of their relationship. Peter and Tony’s. Peter and I have never really been close.”

“And for some reason- and I say that purposefully because _one_ incident isn’t you being replaced by Bucky- that has left what you view as too weak a relationship being threatened?” Sam states more than asks. Steve doesn’t look impressed so he knows he guessed right. “Okay. Well first of all, I doubt Bucky is replacing you and I’m curious here, are you actually threatened by Bucky being closer to Peter and Tony than you are or are you jealous that other people are bonding better with Bucky than you are?” He gets another dirty look so Sam knows which option it is. “Steve, its normal to grow apart when you experience traumatic events and both you and Bucky have dealt with a lot of that. It takes time to rebuild. As for Bucky’s interest in Peter and Tony, well, they don’t have a history with him and trust me; sometimes a blank slate is easier.”

It’s why he talks to Steve over his old army buddies. He loves them all, but they’re a hard reminder of losing Riley and its difficult to relive that every time he’s around them. It must be harder for Bucky, Sam would imagine, because he didn’t just lose one person he lost everything. Literally _everything_. Even Steve lost less than Bucky given that he got the benefit of keeping his identity, sanity, and all his body parts. There isn’t a piece of Bucky that something hasn’t been stolen from and if Bucky’s anything like Sam Steve isn’t really someone he’d want to spend time with. Granted, that’s all speculative at best and maybe Bucky’s got a bunch of other reasons he’s not as close to Steve as he was. Or hell, Steve could be inventing this entire rift in their relationship out of insecurity over losing him again, its not like he’d have no reason to worry about that all things considered.

“How is it that Tony somehow manages to take the one thing I thought he couldn’t?” Steve mumbles and Sam sighs.

“Key word in that sentence was ‘thing’ Steve. Bucky’s a person, not an object, and you aren’t entitled to a relationship with him. I’ve told you this a million damn times but if you use those nifty little communication skills you seem to have no problem exercising to me then _maybe_ you’d solve some of these problems,” Sam points out. “Just sayin.”

Steve gives him a grumpy look and Sam rolls his eyes at him. “Its easier to talk to you,” he says and yeah, Sam knows. He’s in therapy mode.

“That’s because I’m making a conscious effort to be non judgmental. Therapy technique,” he tells him. Sometimes it’s difficult to do, especially with people he doesn’t like, but it’s a necessary part of the job and not one he gets a choice in.

“And if you weren’t?” Steve asks and he’s going to regret that.

Sam sighs. “You need to get your damn shit together okay. You mope your ninety year old and admittedly well-shaped ass around here complaining about your problems and then you refuse to do anything about them. You want things to change but the best you do is whine at me about perfectly solvable issues. You’ve been on this planet for almost a hundred years, god damn act like it and grow up,” Sam tells him.

He doesn’t expect the level of satisfaction that he gets from that but its there and it’s strong. He likes Steve, and he’s got a ton of issues, but damn if Sam’s not tired of hearing the same things over and over again when he refuses to change anything.

“You think I have a well shaped ass?” Steve asks, smiling.

“Is that really what you got out of that?” Sam asks, deadpan. He gets a small shrug and smile and Sam rolls his eyes. He needs new dumb white boy friends; this one might be too dumb for him. “I will slap your pasty ass,” he tells Steve.

Steve snorts and starts laughing, “sounds more like a good time then a threat,” Steve tells him and Sam shakes his head.

“Oh hell no,” he mumbles, picking himself up and moving to walk away but Steve grabs his hand before he manages to walk off.

“It was joke,” Steve says and no it damn well wasn’t but Sam decides not to call him on that. He has a whole host of other more important things to call him on so he figures he’ll start there.

“Get your shit together, Steve, and go sort your problems out like a proper grown man,” Sam tells him, extracting his hand and walking off hoping that maybe Steve will actually do something this time.

*

Tony’s laying in bed fucking around with a design instead of sleeping when his door creaks open a bit. He half expects Peter before he remembers that he’s a teenager now, he doesn’t really get nightmares that require him to climb into bed anymore. It inspires a weird pang of sadness that he supposes is normal when parents watch their kids grow up but he ignores it. It’s a good thing that Peter doesn’t get nightmares anymore.

“Hey,” Bucky murmurs, “um. Can I sleep in here?” he asks.

Wow, okay, bold question. Or bold considering Steve only sleeps a couple doors down though Tony supposes he doesn’t entirely care. Its not like Steve checks on him in the morning. He extends his arm out to Bucky, a silent invitation to come to bed and Bucky does, carefully closing the door and scrambling over to him quickly. Its not until he’s settled into Tony’s side that he realizes that Bucky is shaking a little and breathing strange. Panic attack. “You’re not having a very good day today,” he murmurs and Bucky shifts, lifting his head to frown at him.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s the second panic attack today. You might want to see someone about that.” He wouldn’t push him into it, but Bucky really should have gotten therapy a long time ago. Though if Tony were him he wouldn’t want anything to do with doctors for the rest of forever so if he took no interest well, understandable. Bucky makes a noise of agreement and Tony knows immediately something is off. “What, you don’t remember?” he asks. Weird thing to forget but that’s not really the reaction of someone who knows what he’s referencing.

“My brain got fried by HYDRA for seventy years, I forget a lot of things,” Bucky mumbles but Tony knows that’s not true, not exactly. Bucky seems to remember things just fine in most other situations so he knows there’s more to it, but he decides not to press it. Not now anyway.

Instead he focuses on running his hand up and down Bucky’s arm in some kind of comfort. “Want to know what I’m working on?” he asks, figuring the distraction will be welcome. He’s right because Bucky nods. “Fair warning, this is about to get technical,” Tony tells him before he launches into his new designs for Natasha’s suit and why he’s altered the things he has. There’s a lot of tech mess but Bucky seems to have a decent enough grasp of the jargon given that he participates in the conversation fairly well even if its mostly combat related questions and suggestions. He notes a few useful things anyway so Tony makes note.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short boi, but a boi that brings development nonetheless.

Natasha is testing her widow’s bites when Peter scares the hell out of him and makes him jump. “Geeze dad, relax a little,” Peter says and Tony frowns.

“Make some fucking noise kid, since when are you so quiet?” He used to run into everything all the time and now he… doesn’t. Not that Tony minds because the sheer amount of times Peter used to trip on tools and nearly die was enough to nearly get him banned from the lab and also the kitchen for life. Guess he grew out of that.

“I made noise but Natasha’s noise is more noise than my noise,” he says. He’s lucky Tony is able to follow all that. “Anyway what’s with you and Bucky?” he asks out of literally _nowhere_.

Tony frowns, turning to look at him, “the hell does that mean?” he asks. There’s no way Peter knows anything about anything, that’s not possible.

“Um, I have eyes. You two seem to be spending a lot of time together,” he says. “Not that that’s a bad thing,” he adds.

“I spend a lot of time with a lot of people, kid. Should probably spend more time with Bruce, poor bastard is more attached to his lab than I am,” he says, shaking his head. Bruce loves his work though so Tony usually leaves him to it unless he’s needed for something.

“Yeah, but you don’t usually talk to Bucky and I think he might have a crush on you,” Peter says and Tony snorts and starts laughing. Probably good that the reaction is genuine all things considered but coming from Peter’s mouth that sounds absurd.

“Kid, we’re grown men, not teenagers,” he says. “‘Crush,’ that’s adorable. Haven’t heard that since I was like nineteen. Makes me feel young again.”

“I guess. You have some greys,” Peter says, reaching out to touch his hair and Tony catches his hand.

“Don’t touch my not grey hairs. And no one has a crush on anyone,” he says because technically its true. ‘Crush’ is not the word he’d use to describe his relationship with Bucky. ‘Crush’ isn’t the word he’d use to describe any emotional connection with anyone over the age of fifteen.

“Fine then, tell Steve that because he looks pretty pissed off about it and honestly I don’t know how you don’t notice him trying to glare holes through your skull. You guys have marriage problems,” Peter says point blank and yikes. That… probably shouldn’t hurt as much as it does given that he’s right.

Tony sighs, “people go through shitty moments Peter, it happens.”

“‘Shitty moments,’ give me a break. You guys don’t have shitty moments, you have a shitty marriage,” Peter tells him. “Also those widows bites are cool and I kind of want some.”

“Absolutely not, I don’t trust you and Ned not to shoot them at each other for fun just to see what it feels like,” he says and the fact that Peter kind of shrugs and nods does not bode well. And the rest… Tony doesn’t know what to do with that.

When Peter leaves Nat walks over and perches on the edge of his desk. He knows what she’s going to say before she says it. “I’m not going to say ‘I told you so,’ but I was right,” she says.

He gives her a dirty look. “Any tweaks I need to make?” he asks.

“You could start with a divorce,” she says and Tony rolls his eyes.

“We’re really going to do this?” he asks. “Really?”

“Well when you go lying to your kid it might be relevant to bring it up,” she counters and oh fuck off.

“I didn’t _lie_.” Not technically anyway.

Natasha rolls her eyes back at him. “Based on what, a technicality? Enough with that Tony, you know how much of a stretch that sounds like. He out and out told you he knows you and Steve hate each other in so many words. _Do_ something about it since the whole reason you didn’t want to divorce him was for Peter’s sake anyway. And find a mistress that isn’t his best friend. That’s tasteless even for you,” she mumbles, shaking her head.

Tony flips her off mostly because he’s got nothing to say to that because she’s kind of right. So why is it, exactly, that he’s clinging to this marriage at all?

*

Tony’s a difficult guy to accidentally run into and frankly Sam didn’t think it would take his military experience to manage it. He _does_ manage to engineer a run in though and he smiles, which he can tell immediately puts Tony off not that he shows it all that much. Sam mostly just sees the strained way he holds himself, probably a reaction he gets often around fans that he more than likely won’t be a dick to, but that strained response turns to suspicion when he talks. “Uh, hey. I’m Sam, good friend of Steve’s,” he says and Tony squints.

“Whatever story you’re trying to sell, don’t. I _will_ ruin you,” he says, flat out harsh. Frankly Sam had no idea what to expect here but immediate and harsh protection of Steve wasn’t it.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve done that,” Sam says and Tony squints.

“Like you know anything about me,” he says and Sam shrugs.

“What I see on TV and what Steve tells me, but I’m not stupid enough to think either one of those sources are reliable.” The comment catches Tony off guard but Sam can see the slight change in his expression. He’s suspicious still, but slightly more receptive. “I’m not looking to sell a story, I’m mostly just tired of listening to Steve whine.” Its not wrong exactly, and the description isn’t inaccurate, but he intentionally worded it that way because he’s sure Tony will respond well to it.

He doesn’t, but it doesn’t go badly either so Sam takes that as a win. “Whine about what?” he asks.

“You, mostly. Figured if he was going to keep on about it I might as well get the whole story. Also I’m nosey and like drama,” he says, adding in a small personal touch. Some people respond better to it than others and it works on Tony because he straight up relaxes. Weird, but okay.

“Who doesn’t if I’m involved,” he says and oh okay, he’s hit familiar territory that’s why Tony’s relaxed.

“To be honest, I’m a little bored with it but I figured if you were a soulless harpy I might as well get it straight from the horses ass.” Tony doesn’t seem so soulless. Guarded sure, overly suspicious in a way that Sam can’t say he blames him for based on nothing but knowledge of how he’s been treated by the public his whole life. Everyone knows about child stars and how they always seem to fall into addiction and mental breakdowns, enough that it’s become a joke to people. Sam resents that given that it should have shown people to stop acting like heathens, not to make jokes about treating people badly enough that they lose it.

“Soulless harpy? Seriously? Is that a quote?” Tony asks, eyebrows raised.

Sam laughs, “no, that was my own spin. Steve’s more polite than that.” Even if Sam knows he’s thinking something like that, its just that he’d never say it out loud.

*

Tony knows how to make himself comfortable anywhere at least on the surface. He’s sitting with his legs crossed underneath of him on a chair, which looks uncomfortable but he hasn’t moved in awhile so Sam guesses its fine for him. Under the surface though Sam can see him trying to work through the situation. Constant alert. Maybe this is what Steve meant by Tony never letting him in, not really. But Sam hasn’t seen them together to see if he acts the same around Steve as he does with him.

“No idea,” Tony tells him and Sam raises an eyebrow.

“Oh come on, you have to have _some_ idea of when the issues started.” Steve doesn’t seem to have a time frame either and he’s not buying that both of them don’t know. One does and Sam’s pretty sure its not Steve’s stupid ass. He likes the guy well enough but shit is he lacking some serious self-awareness skills.

He can see the way Tony looks him over a little, eyes shrewd. “Bucky, I think. When we first found out he was alive it was like Steve stopped caring. About me,” he adds when he apparently thinks the implication of his words wasn’t enough. Sam wonders if that’s for clarity specifically or a reference to Steve’s history of depression. Not that Steve knows that’s what that is.

“You think he cares more about Bucky than you,” Sam states more than asks.

Tony snorts, “I don’t think, I know. I have eyes, I can see that he cares more about Bucky than me.”

“He thinks you don’t put effort into the marriage,” Sam says and Tony rolls his eyes.

“Oh bullshit, he was the one who decided I didn’t matter anymore. I tried but he refused to respond to anything I did. That’s not my fault,” Tony snaps and he’s hurt, more than Steve is. Much more.

“That clearly still sings,” Sam notes and gets a dirty look for it. “Sorry, its just the way Steve describes it you don’t care. Clearly he’s wrong.”

That gets him a brief moment of silence as Tony calms some, letting himself relax again. “Obviously it stings, I don’t even know what I did. Doesn’t seem to matter what I try he doesn’t care.” Tony looks away from him, giving the ground a poisonous look and that’s not at all the expression of someone who truly doesn’t care about his marriage. Steve’s got that _all_ wrong.

“Why do you stay? Not to be an asshole, but you’re the one with more mobility in almost every way. I can see that you don’t like being in this situation so why stick around?” Same question he asked Steve but he gets the feeling Tony will answer differently.

For a long moment Tony considers him before he deflates some. “Sometimes I miss what we had. If we had anything at all.”

He looks sad too, and its more than a risk for him to admit something like that to a virtual stranger but Sam has always been good at getting people to open up to him. “Do you really want that back, or do you just like the idea of it?” Tony’s something of a dreamer, always with his head too far in the clouds at least from Steve’s descriptions. Always too far ahead to look even a little behind himself. Lands him in trouble a lot. Like now, maybe, assuming his idea of his marriage with Steve is more appealing than the actual marriage.

Tony seems to realize this too, but he also dismisses it fast. “It was real once,” he reasons and sure, maybe it was.

“You’re not one to be nostalgic Tony,” Sam points out. He doesn’t need to say more than that because he seems to catch his drift immediately. Maybe Tony is more his dumb white guy speed. Guy might have the emotional competence of a gerbil but that’s better than Steve’s emotional competence of an especially stupid pug.

“Rose tinted glasses don’t really seem to do anyone any good,” Tony murmurs and no they don’t. Best to acknowledge things for what they were, it makes it easier to move on from them.

*

When Tony gets back to the Tower he’s mostly confused on how the hell that Sam guy managed to get him to say all that. It didn’t seem like a bad idea at the time but shit, he has no fucking clue who that guy is and Tony’s not in the business of just taking people’s word for things. He better not catch a whiff of this in the public or he’s going to have to do serious damage control.

He’s contemplating how to do that when a voice shakes him out of his reverie. “Hey gorgeous, what’s got you so jumpy?” Bucky asks and Tony sighs.

“Make a noise, apparently I’m getting old and now I spook easily,” he says and Bucky snorts and starts laughing.

“Well, if it makes you feel better you’re half my age,” he points out like he actually looks like he’s older than dirt. Tony wishes he looked the way he did when he was twenty eight. Tony glances behind him and Bucky steps forward, slipping an arm around his waist. “No one’s around,” he murmurs so Tony relaxes, leaning into his touch.

Its nice, the way Bucky immediately draws him in, hands sliding down his back until they rest on his waist. Tony wraps his arms around him too, soaking in the touch for a few moments. He’s missed this simple intimacy, the soft connections of a relationship he hasn’t had in a long time. “Yeah, but you aren’t aging normal,” Tony mumbles into Bucky’s chest.

“Doesn’t matter gorgeous, you look amazing anyway,” Bucky tells him and Tony smiles. Its easier not to feel self-conscious hearing that.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam’s right, Steve knows he needs to deal with this whole Tony thing but its… complicated. There’s a lot to consider here, what this could mean outside their relationship. He needs Tony in one way or another and he’s known him for years, he doesn’t tend to do well when confronted with problems. Something needs to give though and Sam took a different jogging route this morning so he finds himself at Tony’s door, poised to knock. He’s moving around in there so Steve knows he’s there rather than the lab but he pauses anyway, content to wait a few more moments before he goes and potentially ruins everything.

Eventually he reaches out and knocks, softly, and waits. He almost expects Tony to ignore him if he even heard the knock but he doesn’t. He does take his sweet ass time going to the door though and Steve rolls his eyes. Tony’s late to everything, even his own birthday parties and its long driven him nuts. How hard is it to leave early? For Tony, seemingly impossible. And Tony regularly does the impossible for fun so that pisses Steve off even more. When he finally opens the door he looks sleep mussed, which is odd considering Steve heard him moving around but he leaves it.

“What?” Tony asks after a moment, looking largely unimpressed and Steve really hates when he makes that damn face. Which is all the time.

“Do you have a minute?” he asks, leaving out his irritated commentary. Not like Tony ever seems to _have_ a minute if its him asking. He’d sooner make time for _Clint_ and they all know Tony likes Clint’s arrows better than Clint and that’s pretty much only because he likes watching his designs blow up.

Tony sighs, leaning against the door frame with the door open as little as possible. “What do you want?” he asks, bored.

This is why he doesn’t bother talking to Tony about anything but he clenches his jaw and lets it go for the moment. “I want a divorce,” he says instead of the fifty softer things he thought of to steer into that.

He sort of expects some kind of reaction but Tony mostly looks annoyed. “Fine, I’ll talk to my lawyers,” he says and he _shuts the door_. Steve stares at it, _baffled_ at such a blasé reaction before he shakes his head and walks away because what the hell else is he supposed to do?

*

Sam needs to meet some other Avengers because the gossip is good and Steve and Tony’s disaster marriage must be more entertaining from their perspective than either Steve or Tony’s. In the meantime he needs to figure out how to break it to Steve that he’s mad that Tony acted in his favor.

“He agreed to the divorce that you wanted so what, exactly, is the problem?” Sam asks, figuring he’ll go with point blank here. Steve stops his rant mid-way through thank _god_ because Sam has better things to do.

“Well he didn’t need to act like _that_ about it,” Steve says, clearly still pissed and Sam decides to let some more of that therapist pretense drop.

He rolls his eyes, “as opposed to what, groveling and asking you to take him back?” he asks sarcastically but its pretty obvious Steve expected some approximation of that so Sam rolls his eyes again. “First of all I can tell you right now Tony doesn’t do a lot of emotion in public and you’ve counted as public for a long time so I don’t see why you expected anything less. And this is what you wanted so you don’t get to act like a child about it. Guaranteed that wasn’t his real reaction anyway.”

Its not like he expected a ton of information from Tony and yeah, he’s only talked to him once so that isn’t going to net him a huge amount of information anyway, but he does know that Tony still loves Steve. He probably doesn’t show it much, or at least if he does Steve sure as hell isn’t picking up on it, but Sam’s not stupid. He saw the affection there, if strained.

Steve crosses his arms, “and how is it possible for you to know that?” he asks, giving Sam a shrewd look and yeah, Steve’s not going to like this.

“I talked to him. Don’t look at me like that, I was only getting half the story and you are shit at reading Tony’s emotions. I spent like an hour with the guy and easily gathered that he cares about you more than he’s probably willing to admit even to himself. However he’s showing that you obviously aren’t getting the message and he’s confused. Thinks you care about Bucky more than him.” Which he does, Sam knows, but to Tony that must have been confusing. His marriage seemed to be fine then it wasn’t and given Steve’s strained relationship with Bucky that must have been worse. It isn’t an easy, natural dynamic for Tony to see why Steve might have pulled away; it’s a frayed connection Steve’s desperately trying to put back together. To Tony it looks like he’s been tossed aside for a damaged relationship with little place in Steve’s life.

Of course to Steve that looks a whole lot different but between life experience and personality differences Sam can see why that disconnect became a huge problem for them both.

“Of course I care more about Bucky than him, why would he think I’d care more about him?” Steve asks and that’s harsh even to Sam.

“Look, I’m not saying you need to care about either one more than the other but you _did_ marry Tony and from his point of view you tossed that all aside to cling to a relationship that even you know doesn’t exist the way it used to. Just take a second to think about how you’d feel if he dropped your marriage in favor of paying more attention to a guy that barely even speaks to him let alone has a real relationship with him. That’s pretty awful Steve, and I can’t say I blame him for pulling away. From the sounds of it he seems like he was following your lead.” Not, Sam knows, that Steve sees it that way but he spends a lot of time trying to gain some semblance of his version of normal back and that’s impossible when he’s been dropped more than seventy years into the future by his standards. Steve wants his home back and seems to refuse to make a home in his new surroundings and Tony’s stupid ass was dumb enough to try and make a home out of Steve.

No one is winning here, except maybe Sam because he actually does love gossip and yeah he’s not going to sell it to anyone but hearing about this nonsense is enough for him.

Something he says looks like it broke through and Sam resists the urge to literally jump for joy as Steve sighs. “Why is it so hard for everyone to understand that I just want something of my life back?” he murmurs. It’s not an outright admission but Sam’s learned to read what Steve isn’t saying. So he did pull away first and this is as close as his stubborn ass will come to admitting it. And maybe he can see why Tony would react to the situation the way he did even if technically they’re all wrong. Damn, communication seems to be highly lacking with these people. Sam’s happy he learned how to emote and communicate about it like a normal, functioning human being because he has no time for this nonsense in his life. Even with his issues he’s not this bad.

“Look Steve, you lost a lot and I get that. That’s hard, and you were robbed out of a normal life but you have a chance to make something new and you don’t want to. You can’t go back to the past, but you can find that happiness again. Its time for you to stop focusing on everything you can’t have and start trying to cultivate a life for yourself that you actually like. That might help with Bucky too, if you stop looking at him like a relic of your past and start treating him like a part of your future.” Its something he’s wanted to say for some time, but Steve hadn’t really been ready to hear it. Sam isn’t sure he is now.

“You don’t get what its like, waking up to find everything you love _gone_ ,” Steve says and Sam nods. “Bucky gets that, or I thought he would,” he murmurs.

“No I don’t get that, and I’m glad for it. And maybe Bucky gets what you felt on some level, but he lost _so_ much more than you. Don’t look at me like that- you lost more than any person should, but the shitty consolation prize you got was keeping who you are. Bucky didn’t even get that. The guy literally lost his mind, control over his body, _and_ all the stuff you lost. He doesn’t get what you’re feeling because he’s not feeling the loss like you are. You’re mourning people, he’s mourning his own sanity.” Sam reaches out and settles a hand on Steve’s knee. “You can move on, Steve. Nothing says you need to be held up by loss forever. And moving on doesn’t mean you forget the people you lost.”

Steve slumps a little, “that’s what it feels like,” he murmurs and Sam is familiar with that.

He sighs, “you’re not the only one who’s lost someone. Believe me, I get that being happy without them feels like you’re betraying them somehow but its not. People aren’t meant to be sad forever, and there’s always a point where you stop feeling that loss naturally. I know that you keep trying to feel that sadness, that maybe you think that makes you closer to everyone you’ve lost but all that does is alienate you from everyone in your life _now_ that cares about you. And that’s not fair, not to you and not to them. Let yourself move on, let your sadness go and find a better way to honor the people you lost that isn’t making damn sure you can never be happy again,” Sam murmurs.

Advice he should probably take himself, actually. After Riley he’s found it difficult to get close to anyone, always worried he’ll lose them or that he’s somehow betraying Riley’s memory. He knows he isn’t logically, but emotions and logic don’t always match up.

Steve covers Sam’s hand with his, “you make me happy,” he murmurs and Sam wants to take that olive branch, he does. But he can’t, not right now.

“Steve, I’m an escape for you. Someone that acts as a sounding board for your life, not someone you have a fulfilling relationship with. We both deserve better than that.”

Steve’s hand tightens around his own, “there has to be some way to change that,” he says, hopeful.

*

Bucky looks way too happy and Tony raises an eyebrow as he climbs back into bed. “What’s got you looking so enthused?” he asks as Bucky pulls him closer. He allows it, shimmying back into the position he was in before Steve showed up. Christ, that could have been a disaster and as it is it’s not like it ended well.

“What?” Bucky asks, teeth grazing Tony’s jaw. He smiles even though he shouldn’t, allowing himself to revel in the attention as Bucky kisses his way down his neck. “This is a good thing, right? Divorce?”

Depending on who you ask. Tony sighs, pulling himself out of the bliss of Bucky’s attentions to deal with real problems he didn’t want Steve to stick him with. “Sort of,” he murmurs and Bucky frowns, clearly confused. “What?”

Bucky shakes his head, “I uh… I don’t know, I thought you’d be happier that, well, we wouldn’t really have to be a secret anymore.”

Oh that’s sweet, if highly misguided. “Bucky, I have to tell Peter at the very least before anyone does anything. And you should probably say something to Steve. He’s not going to take it well.” So he wants a divorce, that’s hardly being fine with his best friend dating his ex.

“Peter I get, but who cares about Steve,” Bucky says, waving a hand around dismissively.

Tony frowns, “have you seriously not considered what he thinks?” Because that doesn’t sound right. Obviously he’s considered Steve’s thoughts, why wouldn’t he have? Except it doesn’t look much like Bucky has considered much of anything.

“No. Just because he’s willing to squander what he’s got doesn’t mean I am,” he says and Tony does his best not to let that affect him and it fails miserably.

He leans up and kisses Bucky softly. “Don’t say anything until I’ve talked to Peter at least. And I should probably make sure this isn’t some weird phase Steve is going through.” He hopes it is almost as much as he hopes it isn’t. The marriage is toast, but he did at one point love what he had. But it hasn’t been there in a long time and Tony is sure he can build that with Bucky. He can see the way Bucky cares about him, looking down at him with obvious affection on his features and those expressions are saved for him only. It’s the reason Tony had been attracted to him at all, the way Bucky looks at him.

Bucky curls his fingers down Tony’s jaw, smiling. “That’s the look I was hoping for,” he murmurs and Tony smiles, pressing his face into Bucky’s palm.

“It came as a shock is all,” he says. “And a divorce also comes with its own set of problems.”

“We’ll deal with them,” Bucky tells him with confidence. “I’ve got you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a gotdamn mess but there is some plot relevant stuff and Sam/Nat bonding so there's that! Also, some bigger hints that Bucky and James aren't the same person.
> 
> Next up: Peter's whole deal!

Tony knows he’s putting off talking to Peter about this whole… mess, but in his defense he’s doing it for good reason. Okay, no he isn’t. He just doesn’t want all this to be… real, in a sense. He used to not see himself as the marriage type, funny how true that kind of is even after being married, but he doesn’t really want a divorce either. Clinging to the idea of a marriage that, even if it was real for a time, hasn’t been for a long time. Stupid he knows, but true nonetheless.

The benefit is that Bucky’s in one of those weird moods of his so its not like he’s acting suspicious about the whole thing like he would be if he was thinking straight. Granted that didn’t mean he expected Bucky to walk into the kitchen looking confused with his phone in his hand. “Tony. Why has no one told me there’s a movie about a woman who leaves her fiancé for a bee that’s suing the human race?” he asks, distraught.

Tony squints, “honey, I have no idea what you’re referencing,” he says. The pet name slips out easily, a little too easily given that Tony has no idea who’s around and Natasha already has her suspicions. No one pops out of the shadows though and Bucky only looks more confused but his lack of knowledge on some movie that sounds too ridiculous to be real.

“There is a movie. The woman in the movie leaves her fiancé for a bee. In a romantic sense. And the bee is suing the human race. This feels monumental, how do you not know about it?” he asks, looking no less distraught. For a moment Tony just stares because he doesn’t know what to do with this information. The premise of this movie sounds no less ridiculous the second time around and Tony can’t say he’s familiar with it. Which might be for the best. Thankfully he’s saved by Peter walking in and giving him and Bucky a confused look. “Do you know about the movie where the woman leaves her fiancé for the bee?” Bucky asks and Tony smacks his palm to his forehead.

Peter frowns, “The Bee Movie?” he asks and Tony’s eyebrows draw together.

“ _That’s_ what happens in that movie?” he asks. He thought that was a comedy and yeah, people made jokes about it but people make jokes about everything. He didn’t think any of them were genuinely the plot of the movie.

“Have you not seen The Bee Movie?” Peter asks and Tony shrugs.

“No. Had no reason to. Is that… is that a real plot point?” That doesn’t sound like a real plot point.

Peter looks excited and that’s Tony’s first clue that this is going to go horribly but he ignores that. “We should watch it!” he says excitedly.

Tony’s tempted to pass but Bucky looks over at him with wide eyes looking entirely too adorable. “I need to see this. The future is a mystery to me and I must unravel it.” That’s endearing, really. At least Bucky is actually curious about the future, Steve pretty much only ever engaged with what he had to for the longest time. Still does if he can get away with it.

So he sighs. “Fine. Guess we’re watching The Bee Movie.”

*

On any given day Tony isn’t so good with bad news. Or good news- all in all he sucks at this sort of thing so while Peter and Bucky are laughing entirely way too hard at the woman _actually_ leaving her fiancé, who appears to be the only person who’s normal in the movie despite being painted as an antagonist of sorts, for a _bee_ he figures he’ll rip the bandaid off. “Steve and I are getting a divorce,” he tells Peter, who stops laughing immediately and Tony winces.

“Oh. That’s probably a good thing,” he says and Tony frowns. “What? I love you guys but you suck together. You should date Natasha, live my dreams,” he says and Tony blinks a few times in surprise because of all the people Peter could have chosen for a crush a murderous spy assassin is not a good choice. Sure Natasha has kind of changed her ways but also she’s not a good option for Peter. Or mostly anyone, Natasha seems more of an on-her-own type.

“He makes kind of a good point,” Bucky adds but its surprisingly gentle.

Tony sighs, “is anyone actually upset about this?” he asks.

“Are you?” Peter asks and Tony gives him a _look_.

“Yeah, kind of. My marriage has gone to shit.” Is he really the only one who cares about that? Sure he doesn’t expect Steve to care given that he asked for a divorce before noon the other day but shit, he figured someone _else_ might care.

“It did that forever ago, dad. Maybe… you should take this as a good thing. Move on; do stuff on your own for a bit. You seemed freer before you got married,” Peter tells him and Tony slumps in his seat. Great, even his _kid_ hates his marriage. Something on screen catches Peter’s eye and he grins, leaning forward. “This is the part where the lawyer implies that she’s sleeping with the bee!” he says excitedly.

Tony can’t believe, in the middle of telling his kid he’s getting a _divorce_ , he has to witness with his own two eyes a cartoon lawyer use the phrase ‘are you her little _bed bug_?’ in a suggestive way. He fucking hates this movie.

*

Natasha sits perched at a table with one Sam Wilson across from her. She likes Sam well enough even if she thinks he can do better than Steve at the moment. Steve’s a mess, Sam seems much more together than him. And on any given day a pinecone has it more together than Tony, not that Sam holds an interest. But she does given that she has to live with the guy and his mental state permeates the space he’s in. It’s exhausting. She’s got no clue how Peter grew up so chipper and adorable.

“So what’s the gossip?” he asks, leaning in because apparently he’s that kind of guy.

Which is great, because she’s that kind of girl. A spy needs to love gossip; they make their living off of it. The difference between a spy and the town gossip is that the spy can kill people in a thousand different ways and fact checks the gossip they find. That’s it. Oh, and the occasional committing treason and other frowned upon crimes. “Rumor has it Steve asked Tony for a divorce,” she says and Sam’s eyebrows go up.

“Damn. Any word on how true that is?” he asks like he doesn’t have a personal investment in the situation. He’s good at hiding it but she’s better at reading people than most. Its rare, exceedingly so, to find a person she can’t read well. Tony is the first she’s come across since the nineties.

“Got the news from Peter, who told me Tony dropped that little nugget in the middle of The Bee Movie and Tony never would have told Peter that if it wasn’t true.” Not with his weird protectiveness over the kid. He’s so worried about making Peter’s home environment stable by keeping him and Steve together that he doesn’t seem to realize its been unstable forever and maybe he should divorce Steve.

Natasha wonders if maybe its some weird recreation of his parent’s situation and she knows he idealizes the time when they were alive even if he hates Howard. But ultimately she’s not sure due to that pesky inability to read Tony quite right. She’s gotten better since she met him but she swears he’s layer after layer of mess with someone underneath all that but finding who that is is difficult.

Steve finds him difficult to pin down too and she’s sure that’s at least part of their marriage problems. That Steve can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t because Tony is so good at faking it. They’ve all watched the way he turns on the charm and plays the crowd, its hard not to wonder if he’s doing that at home too. Or more accurately when he’s doing that at home because they know he does, its just hard to differentiate it from the genuine moments. Peter seems to be the only one who can make that distinction and he’s clearly reading things no one else is picking up on. Must he the result of living with Tony his whole life.

Sam sits back in his seat, still playing it pretty cool for a guy who’s just a little over attached to Steve’s relationship status. “Well that’s new,” he says.

Natasha shakes her head, “so you and Steve. What’ll you do with that?” she asks, surprising Sam when she shouldn’t have. He’s almost as good at reading people as she is and that’s not an easy skill to develop. And from the sounds of it he doesn’t have the same trouble with Tony that she does too, something she finds both impressive and admirable.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lies.

She rolls her eyes at him. “Sam I’m not stupid, I have functioning senses so I _know_ that you have a thing for Steve. How’s he feel about that?” she asks, curious. So he hasn’t been interested in Tony for a long time, doesn’t mean he’d take kindly to interest coming from elsewhere. He’s only a traditionalist when he feels like it, but this seems like one of the things he’d have a more traditional mindset towards.

Sam raises an eyebrow, “you don’t know? Guess you haven’t seen us together, but if I were to describe our relationship he’d be the aggressor.” Well shit, Natasha sure as hell hadn’t seen _that_ coming. Tony, sure she’d expect fucking around out of him given his reputation and his general personality but Steve? That’s a surprise. “What? Its not like he’s done much about it at least physically, but he’s been eyeball deep in an emotional affair for months if I’m honest.”

Well damn, color Natasha surprised, that’s not something she would have predicted and usually she’s pretty good at this stuff. This… is not going to be good when Tony finds out about it. Maybe she’s not good at reading him, but she doesn’t need to be to know that he seems to be the only one upset by the prospect of his divorce. Which makes her wonder if her suspicions about him and Barnes are off, but most of her information gathering on that had been from _Barnes_ , not Tony. So she thought she’d get a better read. But Tony is the only one distraught by this mess so maybe Tony wasn’t lying when he said it was one sided.

“I should have paid more attention to you, you make things interesting around here,” she says. Its been awhile since she’s had some good drama. At first Steve and Tony were good entertainment but they’ve long since lost their luster to the point of being more of an annoyance than anything. “But given that information I guess I can anticipate Steve’s feelings on this whole mess,” she says, shaking her head.

“Maybe not,” Sam tells her. “He thinks Tony will make Avengers business difficult.”

Natasha snorts, “no he won’t. Not more than usual anyway. He never listens to Steve in the field anyway and beyond that he’s not _that_ much of an asshole, he’s not going to risk people’s lives because he thinks Steve sucks.” He already thinks that and worse, she’s sure, and he hasn’t caused more problems than normal.

Sam nods, “figured as much.”

*

Bucky doesn’t really know what to make of Tony’s sadness over his marriage. Its clear the marriage wasn’t working in any capacity but he also seems to be the only one mourning that loss. This isn’t the kind of thing he’s good at, comfort, but he tries his best anyway and Tony seems to at least be less upset watching a movie than he had been earlier. Probably because Peter didn’t really _have_ a reaction to the news of divorce aside from agreeing with it.

Tony wraps himself in a blanket and sits close to him. “I can’t believe no one has shown you James Bond. What kind of heathens live with me?” he mumbles and Bucky laughs.

“You didn’t show me either,” he points out and Tony makes an offended noise.

“Excuse me, what is this, then? Oh, showing you James Bond because no one else did it!” Tony waves a hand around, clearly still offended. Bucky shakes his head but lets Tony have it. Clearly he has a lot of media to catch up on anyway and he already knows there’s a bunch of things people like _now_ that he’s clueless about. And then there’s weird stuff like The Bee Movie, and Bucky doesn’t even know how that got made and Peter has informed him that that absolutely isn’t the worst movie ever made.

It takes a total of twenty minutes for Bucky to decide he doesn’t like James Bond but Tony looks overinvested in the movie so he figures maybe it’ll get better or something. In the meantime he figures watching Tony’s reactions makes for better entertainment anyway. He’s clearly seen the movie a million times because he keeps quoting it under his breath, anticipating the next plot point. Its cute, not that Bucky has much of a right to think so. So he and Steve are getting a divorce, that doesn’t mean he should lust after his now ex. And especially not when Tony seems to be genuinely upset with the whole thing. He mostly ignores his wayward feelings as the movie progresses, difficult as that is, until finally the movie is over.

Tony gives him an expectant look and Bucky wrinkles his nose. “Oh, absolutely _not_ Bucky! You don’t get to betray me like this!” Tony says, obviously offended.

“Its not that good,” Bucky says, shrugging.

“I think you might have been dropped on your head as a child,” Tony says, shaking his head.

“I mean, maybe. But if we’re talking head injuries its probably the seventy years of electroshock therapy that did me in,” he points out. Tony winces but Bucky shrugs, unconcerned. “You’ve got to have something better than _that_ though.”

“James Bond is a classic!” Tony says, hand pressed to his heart.

“James Bond is irritating. Got anything with music in it?” he asks and Tony squints.

“Everything as a sound track, Bucky. And I am _not_ watching a musical with you,” he says, shaking his head.

Bucky grins and takes that as a challenge.

*

Yeah, okay, Tony hates musicals but Bucky wore him down and he’s hated every single second of Rocky Horror, a movie he only knows about because he knows the songs and Peter knows the dances. Bucky is clearly finding it more enjoyable than he is so mostly he works on a couple designs for Natasha’s Widow suit. She keeps busting the damn bites and he has _no_ clue how. Going over recorded footage has mostly led him to wonder if they keep breaking because she’s bad with technology or something.

He leans into Bucky as he works, taking a small amount of comfort in his presence. Usually he’s not overly fond of touch when he’s like this but today he’s relaxed, happy. Tony doesn’t expect Bucky to wrap his arm around him and when he does Tony shuffles in closer, closing what little space was between them to begin with. Bucky looks surprised and Tony considers moving back for a moment to give him the space he usually prefers in these moods but Bucky turns back to the screen so he stays. Bucky doesn’t feel any more tense than normal anyway, and if he does Tony will move.

“Do you want some kind of gear? I know you usually stay here when we’re out but I don’t know if that’s because you don’t really have anything to help us with or because you don’t want to,” he says, looking up at Bucky.

Bucky shakes his head, “I’m fine. I… don’t know what I’d be like,” he murmurs.

Tony lays a hand on his thigh, squeezing gently. “You’d do fine, if you ever chose to come out with us. Its fine if you don’t anyway. Might as well leave someone at home on the off chance some asshole decides to trash my damn house again,” he mumbles. Fucking Loki. There was no need to ruin his penthouse but no, Loki had to go for the bar too.

Bucky turns back to the movie but his hand curls into a ball and he feels a little tense. He reaches out and smooths Bucky’s hand out, noting that his arm probably needs to be looked at. The reaction time of it seems slower than it should be. “Does that not scare you?” Bucky asks softly, turning his hand over in Tony’s.

He shakes his head. “No, Buck. To be honest I’ve always found technology more reliable and relatable than people. I know you got this under horrific circumstances, and that you’ve done terrible things with it. But that wasn’t really you anyway.”

“Feels like it was me,” Bucky murmurs.

“In a way it was,” Tony says. “But context matters, Bucky. Given the context of your situation you can’t really be held responsible for your actions. No one under that kind of mental duress could possibly make better choices.” Tony knows about HYDRA practices with each other let alone disposable assassins they sometimes send out to kill people. Its not pretty.

Bucky curls his arm around Tony tighter. “Steve would have resisted.”

Tony snorts, “you confuse being a good person with being unbreakable. There isn’t a person on this planet that wouldn’t have broken given the treatment you got. Maybe Steve would have broken differently, but he would have cracked eventually. And something tells me you weren’t easy to train either.”

“You believe that,” Bucky murmurs and Tony sets his tablet aside to face Bucky.

He reaches out and brushes a strand of hair from his face. “Of course I do. I’ve read enough news stories about people doing horrible things they never would have in their right mind because they were pushed to their extremes. Its not a moral failing, Bucky, its just how humans are.”

“You didn’t break,” he murmurs but Tony shakes his head.

“Yes I did. Not the same way you did, but I had the bomb the Ten Rings wanted half built. And before you bring up my daring escape I had a man with me there, Yinsen. He was the only thing that even kept me going in any capacity. He was the voice of reason. So don’t give me credit for what he did. He made me into who I am, this is _his_ doing, not mine,” Tony tells him. “And you had no one.” Bucky leans forward, pressing his forehead to Tony’s. He runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair, “you didn’t fail, Bucky. What you went through isn’t something a better man could handle, it was just tragedy,” Tony murmurs.

They remain like that for a moment, foreheads together while Tony runs his hands through his hair before Bucky shifts a little. He leans forward slowly, like he’s giving time for Tony to pull away, before he kisses him softly. Tony’s fingers tighten in his hair a little as he presses in closer, making a small, pleased noise as Bucky’s arm tightens around him. The kiss is tentative, exploratory, and sweet as Bucky reaches out with his other hand, settling it somewhat awkwardly on Tony’s hip.

Tony smiles into the kiss, fingers threading through Bucky’s. “Here,” he murmurs, shifting so he’s straddling Bucky and placing his hand back on Tony’s hip. “That’s better,” he murmurs, running his hand up Bucky’s arm, over his shoulder, and back into his hair as he draws him into another kiss.

“S’been a long time,” Bucky murmurs and Tony frowns.

“Not that long.” Since what, this morning?

Bucky hums, “mm, since the forties, I think.” Forties? Tony pulls back a little, confused, but he doesn’t get the chance to voice his confusion.

“Are you _serious_?” he hears off to his left and he and Bucky both turn to find Steve glaring at them. Tony might have made a claim that nothing happened given that he’s pretty sure Steve missed most of that kiss but he’s sitting in Bucky’s lap with Bucky’s hands on his hips. The position is incriminating even without a kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping that I can get this done in a couple more chapters! So hopefully all goes well!

Tony sits with his head in his hands because this has all gone to shit a whole hell of a lot faster than he thought it would. But everything always comes crashing down sometime and he really only has himself to blame though he could have done without Steve blurting out that Tony cheated on him with Bucky to Peter. Now he’s pissed off at him and at his aunt May’s and May left him a pretty snotty voicemail he’s elected to ignore for now. Let her think what she wants, and most of it was true anyway.

“Hey,” a small voice says from behind him and he turns to find Bucky there with a cup of coffee. He smiles and reaches out for it, lifting it off Bucky and taking a drink of it. Its way too hot but he doesn’t much care at the moment. “Sorry, about all this,” Bucky murmurs.

He shakes his head, “bound to happen eventually. S’not your fault. I am kind of curious though, about why you chose _me_ of all people.” He knows why he chose Bucky, but it does seem weird to him that Bucky chose him being so close to Steve and all.

Bucky walks over, sitting beside the chair Tony is in with his back to Tony’s makeshift desk. “You don’t tiptoe, you don’t expect me to be someone I’m not, you don’t act like I’m a bomb about to go off, and when you told me that it wasn’t really me it wasn’t because _I_ wouldn’t do that, it was because people do that I guess. Break and do things they wouldn’t do otherwise.”

The way he says it sounds like he doesn’t believe Tony’s words so he sighs. “You want examples?” he asks. “Because I can give them to you and I can guarantee every sad story I’ve ever heard of people being kidnapped and tortured into doing something nuts suffered less than you and believe me they _suffered_.”

Bucky frowns a little, “you have actual examples of that?”

Tony huffs out a laugh, “yeah Buck I do. Here,” he murmurs, picking up the nearest tablet. He finds what he’s looking for and hands over the information to Bucky, “people do crazy shit when they’re pushed to the edge. Technically you don’t even need torture for that, but these people happened to have been in situations similar to yours.”

He leaves Bucky with the information and goes back to trying to figure out how the fuck he’s going to deal with this mess. Steve left after a lot of yelling that sent Bucky into a panic attack that led to Tony trying to calm him down which led to Steve yelling about that too. And that’s what led to Peter finding out about this whole thing because that’s when he happened to walk in. ideally he’d like to explain things to Peter but what’s he going to say? He liked that someone was paying attention to him so he decided to sleep with his husband’s best friend? That’s cold and callus and he knows it so explaining things is pretty much useless. If Peter asks he’ll answer, but he knows Peter won’t like the answer.

Then there’s Steve to consider not that Tony wants to but he _has_ at least earned his anger this time so Tony doesn’t really know what to do. And Bucky, that’s his primary concern because that, at least, he can do something with. He’s given it thought, his relationship with Bucky, and he’s decided he’d like to try and figure things out. His relationship with Steve is pooched, has been for years and there’s no sense clinging to the past like he has been. It’s a bit Steve and he knows how much he hates when Steve does it. And Bucky, they have things in common, they get along fine, they have good chemistry. He can see them in a relationship in a way he’s realized that’s just not viable with Steve. Things with Bucky are easy, calm, and even with this fucking _disaster_ of a situation he doesn’t really feel like things with Bucky are going anywhere. It’s a far cry from what he felt with Steve every time they fought about something so he figures that’s a good sign.

“Hey,” Bucky murmurs, pressing a hand to Tony’s thigh. “I… why hasn’t anyone shown me this stuff before?” he asks.

 Tony shrugs, “guess no one thought to.”

“Steve should have,” he says in an almost accusatory tone and Tony can’t believe he’s about to do this but he sighs.

“Steve probably doesn’t know about half of this stuff. He’s caught up on a lot, but most of the people I pulled up are minor cultural touchstones. He’s maybe heard of Patty Hearst and I don’t think he would have thought to make the comparison between you and anyone else,” Tony says. It mostly only came to him on a whim so Steve, who certainly has less knowledge than he does, wouldn’t have even thought about it. Assuming he knows any of the people Tony pulled up existed in the first place.

Bucky looks angry and a little bitter and Tony has no idea why. “Well maybe all that time he spent telling me it wasn’t _really_ me that did all that stuff he should have shown me _this_ instead of insisting I didn’t _really_ do the things I did because ‘I know you and you wouldn’t do that.’ He _doesn’t_ know me, and I _did_ do all that stuff. I killed people _before_ I got tortured by HYDRA, what the hell makes him think I wasn’t capable of the shit HYDRA made me do?” he says, yelling by the time he finishes all that.

So _that’s_ why he and Steve don’t seem to get along much. Because Steve keeps trying to convince Bucky he’s the person he used to be and Bucky doesn’t feel he is that person. “Being a soldier and being a pawn are different things Buck, I say this because I know soldiers.” Rhodey in particular though he’s never really had the mentality of a good solider. He’s more of a leader and it shows in his career. There’s a reason he’s a full bird colonel and its because he’s a born leader and he finds that level of responsibility easy, natural. A good soldier wouldn’t find that kind of position as easy and rewarding as Rhodey does let alone everything else Rhodey does in his spare time.

But there’s still a difference between low ranking military personal and Bucky. “Soldiers still have free will, freedom of thought, and basic human rights after their training. You didn’t get to keep anything that was yours, including body parts and your sanity,” he adds softly.

Bucky shivers, deflating a little from his earlier angry outburst. “Still showed a capacity for violence,” he murmurs and Tony shakes his head.

“We all have a capacity for violence and that includes Steve, who’s probably the guy everyone in this country would chose as the pinnacle of morality.” Across the world, well, maybe some Canadians would chose Steve but most others wouldn’t. Too much bullshit American involvement for them to hold the level of trust in Steve Americans have even if, despite Tony wanting to strangle him more often than not, he’s a fundamentally good person.

“Even you?” Bucky asks and Tony laughs.

“Bucky if you think I haven’t killed people you aren’t paying attention. In my escape from Afghanistan alone I probably took out at least thirty people, more, maybe. And the devastation in New York,” Tony shakes his head. That he wasn’t really directly responsible for but still. Its not like he _helped_. “And if you consider my past as a weapons manufacturer I probably have a kill count that makes you look like a saint. But if you want someone more your speed Natasha went through similar training as you in Russia and got so good at killing people she was known as ‘the red death’ before Clint managed to bring her in. Just because she did a lot of shitty things doesn’t mean she had no capacity for good too. And unlike Steve and I she didn’t have a choice in how she ended up participating in violence.” He and Steve haven’t really ever had their choice stripped from them like that. The closest comparables each of them have is Tony’s stint in Afghanistan and Steve waking up after being stuck in the ice.

Tony’s situation is a better fit for comparison, but it was still only temporary and he had the benefit of Yinsen, who Tony thinks is more of a hero than he is. Its not like he’d _be_ here without Yinsen’s sacrifice. And Steve, maybe he’s lucky to have ever been imprisoned and captured but Tony is living proof that his removal from his original context has ruined his life and also everyone else’s around him.

“Natasha sets me on edge. Something about her is off,” Bucky says and Tony laughs a little.

“You can probably sense the amount of attention she pays to you. To everyone. Set me on edge too, but I got used to it. Took me years before I was fully convinced she wasn’t going to kill me in my sleep and I still don’t really care for when she makes me food, but evidence shows that she doesn’t really want me dead. If she did I would be.” He’s seen what Nat’s capable of and while she’s formidable in the field her real area of expertise is undercover. Nat is a force to be reckoned with when they’re working as a team but as a single woman in a room full of people that are usually larger than her with a lot more weapons? He’s not even sure Steve is more effective than her and he’s literally super human while Natasha isn’t.

Bucky considers this for a few moments. “Do I make people feel that way?” he asks.

“When you’re not in a mood, yeah you’re pretty intimidating.” Natasha hadn’t liked him around for months, tried to convince Steve to move him exactly once and Steve lost it. She’d gone to Tony after that, which is what prompted him to spend more time with him to begin with. At first Tony got that predatory vibe but it hadn’t taken long to learn that Bucky just didn’t know how _not_ to do that. Tony took it upon himself to try and teach him how to be a person again and he guesses it worked because Natasha has only complained a few times since and its been some time since the last time. And she’s more comfortable around Bucky now, if he’s not in a mood.

“What do you mean in a mood?” Bucky asks.

“You know, when you’re like this. Usually you’re kind of bitchy, not that I’m complaining. And harsh, little bit too harsh but I think that’s mostly the result of a lack of socialization for so long and you mostly don’t make snide comments anymore so.” Sometimes he does, if he doesn’t like the person. Usually Steve and Clint are on the receiving end of any comments he makes while he generally leaves everyone else alone. Bucky’s only ever sociable if he’s in a mood.

Bucky looks confused. “I… I’m bitchy?” he asks, obviously confused.

“You once told Clint that he was a knock off of Robin Hood and twice as ineffective so yeah, kinda. Pretty sure you’ve learned to keep it yourself now but you used to just… say whatever.” Tony found it amusing but he’d been the only one so he figured he’d teach Bucky the ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say’ rule and it seems to have stuck. Mostly he makes comments to Tony under his breath if he makes them at all now.

“I… don’t think I’ve ever even _spoke_ to Clint before,” Bucky murmurs and that’s not right.

“Buck, you pretty much hate the guy. No idea why you do, but he seems to irritate the hell out of you. Do… you not… remember that?” Because this isn’t the first time he’s forgotten something important but it seems to be a semi regular thing now and that can’t be good.

Bucky shakes his head. “No,” he murmurs, “I don’t remember that at all.”

*

Natasha is giving him judgmental looks but Tony doesn’t really care about that at the moment. “I think there’s something wrong with Bucky,” he tells her and she squints.

“Aside from him betraying his best friend to fuck you, which I called out _weeks_ ago, by the way,” she says and fine whatever.

“No, that’s not what I mean. Well, kind of it is, but… look just come here and watch this,” he says, gesturing to the screen in front of him. Natasha only gives him a few more moments of judgment before she walks over.

“What am I looking at?” she asks and he shakes head.

“Just watch and tell me if you notice anything. I don’t want to give you confirmation bias,” he tells her.

“Then don’t open with ‘I think something’s wrong with Bucky’ Tony. You should know this better than most, I already have confirmation bias,” she tells him.

He rolls his eyes because he knows how science works and while she’s not wrong she’s not totally right either. “Your interpretation of the data might be different than mine and I think we can all agree that screwing over your best friend is out of character for anyone, even if you’re estranged. So watch,” he tells her.

She looks like she might argue but she turns to the computer instead and gestures for him to go ahead. He plays the evidence he’s compiled and lets her draw her own conclusions about it. He’s got thoughts but he figures she might draw something different out of what he’s got given that she’s been through similar trauma as Bucky. Maybe he’s missing something that she can clue him in on that makes this make sense.

When she’s done with the video, which mostly consisted of Bucky’s contradictory tastes, evidence of memory loss and also the evidence that the things he doesn’t remember actually happened, and some other odds and ends Tony found in footage JARVIS gathered that seemed relevant to his searches, she turns to him. “Uh, I’m confused,” she says and Tony shrugs.

“Me too. The hell was with not being kissed since the forties when there’s _plenty_ of video proof that’s not true. And the Clint thing. And his weird taste differences. And that time he forgot that he had a panic attack earlier the day before when that seems like a relevant thing to remember. Doesn’t make sense,” he says, shaking his head.

Natasha frowns and takes over the computer, going back over a few things herself before she shakes her head. “I… well, I noticed all this stuff before but put side by side like this in my opinion as a spy I don’t think that’s the same person.”

Which is the conclusion Tony drew. “We know that there are aliens that can replicate our appearances, but the files Fury had on them suggested they can mimic personality too.”

“Not well though,” Natasha points out.

“Well enough that you need to actively question them for a deep enough memory to find them out. If this is that than the alien isn’t even _trying_. Also what’s the goal? Its not like driving a wedge between Steve and I will do anything, that was already there,” he points out. “How’s a divorce help? Also Bucky seemed pretty happy that I was getting one anyway. Bitchy Bucky,” he clarifies.

“Both of them clearly have a thing for you but not bitchy Bucky seems to be the only one who feels actively guilty about it. So is aliens out or in?” she asks.

Tony shrugs, “in I guess, but I just don’t see the point in this invasion. There’s been no useful information gathered and I checked pretty fucking thoroughly by _your_ standards. Like I followed your spy criteria and didn’t find anything that couldn’t be gathered from YouTube videos so,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know, the motivation just isn’t there.”

Natasha hums for a moment. “You already ruled that option mostly out, didn’t you?” she asks and he nods. Its still a possibility until he can definitively rule it out, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense at the moment. “So what’s your theory two?”

He sighs. “Aliens are probably more likely,” he says and Natasha raises an eyebrow. “When we got rid of the trigger words I… wonder if maybe we left something behind. Some… I don’t know, remnant of the Winter Soldier state. It could explain the callus nature, waspish attitude, and indifference to Steve but that does sound kind of nuts and I don’t know how that would work. The words were just that, _words_. I don’t see how it’d be possible to leave part of that behind.”

“Doesn’t need to be part of the words if the words activated a certain state that was preexisting,” Natasha says and Tony frowns.

“I know a guy, might be able to help. He knows things about psychology,” she says and Tony sighs.

“Sam Wilson, by any chance?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“So you _have_ talked to him. I like him, he’s got potential. And he’s got skills he’s good at hiding but I know he’s got more training than any normal military personal. Rhodey would be able to confirm so look into that. Also Steve’s been halfass having an affair with him, not that he’s reciprocated much even if he wants to,” she says and Tony’s eyebrows fly up.

“The hell encouraged _that_?” he asks, ignoring the hurt feeling in his chest because he has no right. Not after everything he’s done with Bucky. And maybe an alien. God, he misses the days where that sounded insane.

Natasha sighs. “Just because he’s right to be pissed off at you doesn’t mean he should have told Peter about all this like he did. He did it to hurt you and that’s a shitty thing to do, even if I get why he did what he did.”

Well, that’s not what he was expecting.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm actually done this story- there's 2 more chapters but I have to look stuff over. Frankly I would like to get this boi done so I can move on to other things!
> 
> Also, because Steve in particular is getting his ass ate in comments I figured I'd make a bit of a statement about it. Yeah, he's acting like a real jackass but until the whole Peter thing he hasn't really done more wrong than anyone else has. Its just that most of this story is from Tony's PoV so you're getting more of his side of things than Steve's.
> 
> Plus I do feel somewhat compelled to mention a lot of Steve's actions extend from his trauma (which isn't to _excuse_ his actions, its to _explain_ them), and in canon I find that any symptoms of his problems boil down to 5 seconds of sad looks at Bucky 3 times a movie. In this his problems show up in a much more pronounced, ugly way. Like Tony in IM2 he's hit something of a rock bottom here partially out of his own doing and partially because of outside circumstances (also like Tony in IM2). Point is yeah, he's being an ass, but I think its important to consider his actions within the context of his whole being rather than divorcing them from his circumstances. Even if that still makes him a jackass.

Tony is giving him some poisonous looks and okay, Sam’s earned that he will admit but _shit_ the dude off and slept with Steve’s best friend and also maybe an alien. Honestly he’s got no clue what the alien business is about but Tony’s not happy about it. He’s starting to think maybe getting involved with Avengers business was a bad idea because he didn’t anticipate _aliens_ , he was just trying to tell Steve to deal with his damn problems.

“Okay, so uh. What’s going on, exactly?” he asks.

Natasha, who seems to have the same ability as Tony to make herself look at home anywhere given that she’s currently perched cross legged on Tony’s desk, turns the computer towards him. “Watch this and tell us what you think,” she tells him and he frowns.

“What am I supposed to be getting out of this? Alien invasions? Because I have to disclose that you two are much more equipped to deal with Invasion of the Body Snatchers than I am,” he points out.

It’s a weird thing to draw a smile out of Tony but it does seem to soften Tony to him some. “Just watch, we can talk body snatching later,” Tony tells him.

Natasha presses play on a video that’s, Sam checks, almost an hour long and okay, what the hell? He sits there and watches though, no fucking clue what he’s looking for, and for twenty minutes he’s lost as to why he’s watching White Boy Rick run around doing things until he gets a clue. So Bucky has memory loss, or at least he appears to given that he has no memory of events that Sam has already watched play out not that he knows exactly what that’s supposed to mean. Probably a symptom of PTSD not that Sam can make a diagnosis like that, but given his history it would make sense.

As the video progresses the behavior gets weirder, and the memory loss more pronounced but by the end of it Sam’s still lost. “Okay, dude’s weird. The point?” he asks. Natasha and Tony look immediately frustrated but they don’t say why exactly.

“So uh, you didn’t… notice things?” Tony asks, narrowing his eyes.

Sam sighs, “I notice plenty of things but I can’t give you anything meaningful from this, its an hour long video and I’ve never even met the guy. What opinion with any weight could I _possibly_ get from this?” Inferences, he’s got plenty, but opinions based on the facts of Bucky’s life as Bucky has disclosed to him? Nothing. Best he can do is assume that Bucky’s acting weird in part because he probably has a whole lot of mental health problems and also the poor guy got thrown out of one shitty environment into totally unfamiliar territory. And even then the lack of familiarity could explain why he’s acting strange over mental illness minus maybe the memory loss, which could be a biological problem not a psychological one.

Natasha and Tony stare at him for a moment, which is unnerving, until Natasha talks. “Sam. They’re different people,” she says and Tony pushes her off the desk.

“Well don’t _tell_ him what we think, he’s supposed to either agree or not based on his thoughts and ideas, not ours,” he tells her.

Scientific approach, however unscientific their experiment was. He sighs, “I can’t do anything useful with an hour long video. You could hand me a video of anyone and theoretically pull out a bunch of different people because people don’t act the same way in every situation. Tony, lets use you as an example. If I filmed you in front of an audience of fans, in your lab, fighting with Steve, and shooting the shit with Natasha that’s four people. Your behaviors, body language, manner of speaking, and pretty much every other habit you have will change to tailor itself to the situation. That’s _normal_ , guys. Yeah, its weird that Bucky doesn’t seem to like the same foods sometimes, and yeah, the memory loss is concerning, but this doesn’t really tell me anything.”

Natasha picks herself up off the floor and smacks Tony’s arm. “We need a new professional, this one is broken,” she says.

Tony squints at her, “I think he’s got some points. He’s wrong but he’s got some points. So compromise, observe him in the wild, you’ll get it then,” Tony tells him.

“You two _do_ know Bucky is a person, not a science experiment, right?” he asks.

Tony sighs, “yeah we know that but like… look, its easier to see than not. Also if its aliens we should figure out why they’re here.”

“Aliens? Dude has some memory problems and you two have jumped to _aliens_? Guys, that’s nuts,” Sam tells them. “You have problems with paranoia.”

“Is that your professional opinion?” Tony asks, always one to be a dick about things.

Sam rolls his eyes, “no, that’s my common sense opinion. Also if Bucky is aliens, I’m not qualified to deal with it. And Dissociative Identity Disorder is uh, nebulous at best.” He would know that better than them given that he probably has a much more well rounded history of the condition, if it exists at all, not that he’s much qualified to know the answer to that. But he knows enough about the history of over diagnosis of that particular mental health problem that he’d be hesitant to suggest it to say the least.

“Dis-what what?” Tony asks and Sam sighs.

“Multiple personality disorder,” he says, using the more commonly known and outdated term for it. The light bulb goes off and Tony wrinkles his nose.

“Well that wasn’t quite our theory but yeah okay, option three, Bucky’s two hundred people. Great,” he says, waving a hand around.

Another problem with the diagnoses, therapists supposedly drawing out hundreds, sometimes thousands, of different personalities. “That’s… that’s not quite how that works,” Sam tells him.

“Tell him the actual theory,” Natasha says, nudging Tony with her arm. He gives her an irritated look but complies.

“We thought, well, wondered if when we removed the trigger words for the Winter Soldier we left something behind, some part of that state. Makes only slightly more sense than aliens, but mostly because we can’t figure out why an alien would have the hots for me,” he says, shrugging.

“You’re attractive, that’s reason enough,” Sam points out.

Tony wrinkles his nose, “pretty sure aliens would have different beauty standards than us and what’s the chance of another planet having the exact same set of things we find attractive? We don’t even have consistent standards, attraction varies from person to person,” he says and that’s not what Sam expected but okay. Kind of a good point.

“Fine, maybe they do, or maybe they’re like humans and they’re attracted to weird shit the way humans sometimes are you you’re the weird shit. Point is the only overly concerning thing I saw was the memory loss and I wonder about brain damage Bucky may have got being tortured by HYDRA and also Steve beat the hell out of him pretty good before he realized it was Bucky under the mask. Can’t be the first time that’s happened,” Sam says.

Tony turns to give Natasha an offended look. “Why did Steve’s mistress think of that before we did?” he asks.

 _That_ throws Sam for a loop but in hindsight Tony would have had to have known about Steve’s… over attachment to have spent a bunch of time glaring at him earlier. He’d say something in his defense but he doesn’t really have one aside from telling Steve to get a divorce, which he figures is a little insensitive all things considered.

“That’s not it,” Natasha tells him and Tony sighs.

“That’s more likely than aliens,” he points out.

“We once watched Steve bounce head first off concrete after he jumped from a plane with no parachute and _he_ doesn’t have brain damage and you _know_ that’s not the first time he’s done that,” Natasha says. “So what makes Bucky so special?”

Sam shrugs, “I don’t know, could be the violent torture endured over almost a century, the fact that no one gave a shit about his wellbeing, and the fact that the serum he got isn’t the same as what Steve got but sure, aliens and extremely rare mental illnesses, that’s more logical,” he says sarcastically.

“I can see why Steve likes you,” Tony tells him. “And that’s not a compliment,” he adds like his scathing tone wasn’t enough of an indication of that.

“He’ll get over it, he just doesn’t like being introduced under false pretenses,” Natasha tells him. “But once he stops violently hating your guts he’s plenty cuddly. I speak from experience.”

“Uh huh. Can we get back to Bucky here because I’m pretty sure its not brain- you know what. JARVIS. Run brain scans on Bucky and tell me if they’re normal,” he says and Sam’s eyebrows fly up.

“You can just _do_ that?” he asks. Seems pretty invasive of people’s privacy but neither Tony nor Natasha have reacted much so Sam assumes that this is normal for them. He, on the other hand, finds Tony’s AI running brain scans on people running around his house fucking weird.

Tony rolls his eyes, “yeah, I can do that. J?” he asks.

“Brain scans appear consistent with a healthy brain,” the AI says and that is wild.

“There you have it, brain damage is out. So we’re back to aliens and Winter Soldier state,” Tony says. “And Bucky being two hundred people I guess.”

He says that like its crazier than aliens and Sam doesn’t understand that but okay. “Explain this Winter Soldier state thing to me,” he says, waving a hand around. “You said something about trigger words earlier? The hell does that mean?”

“What’s on the tin, Wilson. Use a set of trigger words, access a state where the person complies to what you want them to do. You know, MK Ultra, Manchurian Candidate, that type of shit. Except Nazis figured it out,” Tony says like that’s a small feat.

“Only kind of. Didn’t work on the other Winter Soldiers, just Bucky,” Natasha reminds Tony and okay _what_?

“Steve has been holding the fuck _out_ here- the hell do you mean _other_ Winter Soldiers?” As far as he knows there’s just Bucky and now there’s at least two more? He should have made friends with Natasha first, he would have gotten all the good stuff right away and then he could have listened to Steve refuse to do anything about his marriage problems. This is a hell of a lot more interesting than Tony not being what Steve expected.

“Also, no conditioning attempts that were preformed on me worked,” Natasha adds. “There’s something genuinely unique about Bucky all things considered.”

Tony nods. “Not a huge sample size, but you said there were other Widows, right? Conditioning like Bucky’s didn’t work on them?”

Nat shakes her head. “No. Most of us died, and those that didn’t were cut off from everything we knew and loved. We weren’t allowed to develop connections to anyone or anything. That was the result of their attempts to condition us went wrong. We were all given identities, people we were supposed to be in the real world and mine happened to be a ballerina. Had the conditioning they attempted worked I would have genuinely thought I was her until, like Bucky, they used trigger words. Aside from people getting too comfortable in their skins and getting killed for it that technique didn’t work.”

Steve once told him Natasha doesn’t talk about her past, which seems contradictory to this but Sam gets the feeling a whole lot of history is missing in that and they have bigger concerns anyway. “Uh, okay. So what happened? When you used the trigger words?” he asks and Natasha gives him a dirty look for it inexplicably. “What? I assume that you know what happened and that this uh… state of being was separate from Bucky’s normal personality somehow.”

“Uh. Mostly we got our asses kicked a lot on someone else’s orders, Bucky was briefly recaptured, it doesn’t matter. Point is those mind control experiments worked to a point. Bucky, pre recapture, didn’t want anything to do with us but he was on the defensive. He kept running. When he was recaptured and the words were used it was like he was a blank slate killing machine, nothing behind the eyes,” Tony says.

“So how’d you snap him out of it?” he asks. They had, obviously, given that Bucky isn’t running around killing people.

Tony shakes his head though. “We didn’t. Nat tried to knock him out-”

“Cognitive recalibration. Worked on Clint,” Natasha says.

Tony rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. The human version of ‘have you tried turning it on and off again.’ Anyway, didn’t work. In DC Steve’s presence broke through that conditioning but it didn’t here and we don’t know why. Steve thinks maybe Bucky had been in the Winter Soldier state a little too long in DC, long enough to come back to himself but we have no real proof of that either. So I uh, well, made a contraption that attached him to my suit by his metal arm. Two in one- catch him and also neutralize his most powerful weapon. Was a real pain in the dick because he tried to kill me like fifteen times but Steve eventually held him back, which is how we got him the rest of the way home.”

Sam squints, “he had to try and kill you _that_ many times before Steve decided _maybe_ holding him back was a good idea? Man, you should have thrown the whole thing out, I would have.”

He doesn’t expect Tony to laugh but he does, a little too hard too, and Sam figures maybe he won’t say anything about it. “Yeah, Steve didn’t want to hurt Bucky and we kind of all got that but he _did_ throw Clint into a wall hard enough to permanently damage his left shoulder, and he _did_ try to kill me at least five times, and then he tried to kill Tony a bunch of times, and then when Tony detached him from the suit he tried to kill _Thor_ , which obviously didn’t go well. We all get why Steve didn’t want Bucky hurt, but aside from Thor he’s the only one strong enough to actually handle the damage Bucky can cause,” Natasha says.

Steve’s got issues but that’s a discussion better left to have with Steve. “Okay. And what happened after? How’d you know about the trigger words at all?”

“Oh, yeah, I hacked HYDRA’s camera feed and watched the whole thing play out. Bucky seemed to fight it pretty hard, knew what was coming so he has an obvious awareness of what would happen next but no control. Like as soon as the last word was said it was like he was a doll and he literally said ‘ready to comply’ but in Russian. Nat translated. Anyway, when we brought him back we obviously had to restrain him while we figured out how the fuck to undo that and also the trigger word conditioning,” Tony says.

Yeah, okay, that seems… like science fiction but Sam supposes he’s seen some crazy shit the last few years. This isn’t much crazier than aliens trying to colonize New York of all places. “How’d you do that? Get rid of the trigger words?”

“Binary Augmented Retro-Framing device, otherwise known as BARF. Hijacks the hippocampus, allows you to relive traumatic memories with the purpose of… undoing the damage, I guess. Or in this case undoing conditioning.”

Sam frowns, “how the hell did you even _find_ that kind of technology?”

“I made it,” Tony says, misunderstanding Sam’s question though in his defense Sam didn’t ask a very useful question.

“No, I mean how’d you even get that idea? That would be massively useful as a therapy technique.” Could also be a total disaster, but like any therapy suggestion that’s entirely up to the patient and their needs.

“Tony’s got daddy issues and wanted to solve them, it just so happened that it his daddy issue fixer also fixes super soldier deadly assassins,” Natasha says and Tony shoves her off the desk again. “I will kick you,” she tells him as she picks herself back up.

“And I probably won’t kick you back because you’re a much better fighter and also you scare me. I didn’t out your dirty laundry so don’t out mine. But yeah, that’s what happened. Took forever too, almost a month,” he says.

Sam sits back in his seat, “and let me guess, you were his primary care taker in that time frame?” he asks, more based off a hunch than any real evidence. Tony nods though.

“Not that Steve wasn’t around plenty but he didn’t get the science of what I was doing so mostly it was me,” he adds.

Well, that explains a lot. “Yeah, he wondered why Bucky was so attached to you and guess I just got my answer. I assume you did something in that time frame to endear him to you while Steve lagged behind.”

“Aside from removing trigger words that turned him into a mindless assassin?” Natasha says. “Because I’d fuck Tony for that alone.”

Tony wrinkles his nose, “you’re not my type, twinkle toes.”

Natasha rolls her eyes, “I’m everyone’s type, Tony. And there was a point where you didn’t mind,” she says, referencing events Sam isn’t familiar with and he’d like to be because _what_? There’s a whole lot he needs to talk to Steve about but his tendency to not tell him anything cool is his priority at the moment because come _on_ , marriage problems over a whole fleet of Winter Soldiers? Dude needs a lesson in which details are more important.

“In my defense, I was dying,” Tony tells her and hold up _what_?

“Man, Steve fucking sucks at the fine print please explain _all_ of that,” Sam tells them.

*

Tony is making coffee and debating on whether or not he wants to kick Sam out of his house when a noise to his left catches his attention. He looks over and finds Peter there glaring at him and he sighs. “Just say what you want,” he tells him. This was going to happen one way or another though he doesn’t much appreciate Steve taking the choice in how Peter ended up pissed off at him away.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Peter asks, upset. It’s not what he wanted to say, Tony can tell, but that’s what came out.

“Could give you a whole list kid, but I’ll be blunt here. Do you want a reason as to why I had an affair with Bucky or do you want a neat little narrative that explains what I did in a positive light despite my shitty actions, therefore absolving me of responsibility for my actions? Because you’re not going to get the latter.” Bluntness, Tony figures, is what Peter has earned here. It’d be easy to spin him some sob story that makes Steve look bad and Tony’s got plenty of evidence for it, but that’s not really fair to anyone and it conveniently leaves out his own shitty behavior or at least tries to excuse it and that’s not… useful. He’s been down that path to many damn times so consider trying that again.

Peter considers this for a moment, leaning against the fridge looking conflicted. “Why would you do that with _Bucky_ of all people, dad, that’s _cruel_ ,” Peter tells him.

Tony clenches his jaw, looking away because Peter’s small, confused voice is a lot to handle. He takes a moment and breathes in before he responds. “I liked the attention he gave me,” he says honestly, not looking at Peter.

“You liked the- wait, _he_ started it?” Peter asks and Tony hazards a glance over to him. He looks confused about that and Tony has no idea why everyone seems to have decided he must have started this whole thing.

Actually no, he knows why, but he’s still annoyed about it. “Yeah. And it was stupid, sure, but it’s been a long time since I’ve felt any kind of attention like that and I’m sick of being in a relationship where I can try, and try, and try and it doesn’t seem to matter what I do. Then Bucky shows up and tells me that he sees me, that he notices my efforts and…” he shrugs. “It’s not my finest moment even if its probably not my worst either. It feels good though, to feel like my feelings are actually reciprocated and that I’m not just going through the motions. Its fucking exhausting to do that.”

It must be for Steve too, who isn’t even any good at it. Or at least not like Tony is. Steve hasn’t had to play a role his whole life though and Tony is used to rotating through a seemingly never ending pile of masks, tailoring himself to each moment appropriately. Steve obviously struggled with it, then gave up on their marriage completely and that’s his own fault. Tony, he can’t really say why he kept trying except that maybe he wanted the love he felt before back and kept trying to get it out of a non viable source.

He’s surprised when Peter rushes over and hugs him but he takes it, hugging the poor kid back. “You did a shitty thing,” Peter tells him and Tony nods.

“Yeah, I did.” No sense in denying it.

“I don’t want to be mad at you,” Peter murmurs.

Tony sighs, “complicated feelings are fine, Peter. I’m basically the king of complicated feelings about my father.”

Peter lets out a hysterical little laugh and hugs him tighter and Tony’s glad for it.


	11. Chapter 11

When Peter leaves Tony doesn’t much expect Sam to walk in looking somewhat nervous. “What?” Tony asks, taking a drink of his coffee.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll just jump right in. I would rather not be on bad terms with you on account of people you don’t like having a tendency of showing up dead. Obadiah, Killian, and I know you had nothing to do with Howard but that’s still a freaky coincidence,” Sam says.

Tony snorts, “Pepper was the one who killed off Obi and Killian so its not actually my bad side you need to avoid. And Rhodey stuck Hammer and Vanko in jail so. Anything else?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, how come you get the credit for Pepper and Rhodey’s work?” he asks.

Tony shrugs, “my suit’s shinier. That and I usually help stick them all in a place that makes them easier to jail or kill off. And in my slight defense with Obadiah I was dangling from a ceiling telling Pepper to kill us both, its more of a coincidence that I happened to save myself before we both got roasted by the giant reactor. Pepper does have the best success rate of the Avengers though, but she refuses to wear any of the suits I make her.” Shame, that, because Pepper’s got a surprisingly brilliant mind for strategy. She needs fine tuning and actual training, but for someone who mostly spends her time winging it trying to save Tony’s ass she does a better job than people _with_ actual training.

But the hero thing isn’t for her however much she already fits the role, if reluctant.

Sam makes a small noise of appreciation. “Well okay then. And for the record most of my time spent with Steve was either telling him to get a divorce or actually deal with his problems because complaining about them doesn’t do shit. You know how he is though. Stubborn as hell.” He shakes his head and yeah, Sam has _no_ fucking idea.

“Good luck with that,” Tony tells him, waving a hand around. He’s lost the patience for it and if that’s what Sam wants fuck, all the power to him. He can be the next person Steve’s bullshit attitude ruins, that’s not Tony’s business.

For a moment Sam looks a bit awkward before he glances over his shoulder at the door Peter just left through. “Its not really my business, but you kid looked pretty upset. Guess he found out about the whole Bucky mess?”

Tony snorts, “well, you could say that. Steve decided it was a good idea to tell him right after _he_ found out because he was pissed off. Can’t say I blame him for being pissed off, but fuck him for telling Peter like that.” It was _Tony’s_ responsibility and Peter deserved to find out in a less shitty way than that. But no, Steve had to off and tell him in the way _he_ decided was best. Which wasn’t even a constructive way to tell the poor kid so now he’s got to clean up that mess too.

He’s not entirely sure why he thought Sam wouldn’t much care about that but he goes from looking a bit like he’s walking on eggshells to pissed in about two seconds flat. “You’re shitting me,” he says and Tony shakes his head.

“Nope. Kinda wish I was.” It’d save him a lot of trouble now, frankly.

Sam shakes his head, “can your creepy AI thing tell me where Steve is?” he asks.

“He’s on the roof behind the hydrangeas,” Tony tells him before JARVIS can. “And the AIs name is JARVIS,” he adds.

“Man, its weird that you have an AI that watches everyone every move and can run brain scans on people in like five seconds, that’s some George Orwell 1984 shit but right now I have bigger concerns so excuse me,” he says, walking off with purpose.

Tony considers their interaction for a few seconds before he starts laughing. “JARVIS, call Rhodey,” he tells the AI. Its probably ass o’clock in the morning wherever he is but Tony _has_ to tell him about this.

“Tones, can’t you call at a decent time or are you allergic to convenience?” Rhodey asks in place of a greeting.

“Rhodey, Steve’s mistress is afraid I’ll kill him,” he says, doubling over with laughter because that’s the most hilarious thing he’s heard this week.

Tony can practically _hear_ Rhodey’s confused facial expression. “Okay, _what_?”

*

Sam finds Steve exactly where Tony said he’d be and frankly it shows that Tony knows Steve pretty damn well and he has no idea, though he suspects it’s a no, if Steve knows Tony just as well. When Steve sees him he looks happy for about as long as it takes for him to read his expression and then he looks concerned and honestly he can stuff it. “What’s wrong?” he asks, then pauses. “Because I’ve got a whole bunch of shit to tell you.”

Oh Sam fucking _bets_ he does. “You’re a goddamn asshole, you know that? Tony’s a real bastard for fucking around on you with Bucky but frankly from where I’m standing you’ve been asshole deep in an emotional affair with me for months _despite_ me telling you to actually work on your marriage if you aren’t willing to end it so the only thing you should be pissed over is the fact that Tony chose _Bucky_ , not that he cheated. Because you did that too. And then you have the _gall_ to tell Peter about it presumably in the middle of a fight with Tony and don’t tell me you did it for any reason other than to hurt Tony because I damn well _know_ that’s why you did it. That is a new goddamn low, Steve, using a fifteen year old kid as an emotional tool to hurt your ex. What the hell is wrong with you?” he snaps.

Steve looks away, guilty like he goddamn _should_ be. “That wasn’t what-” he starts but Sam cuts him off.

“You best choose your words wisely, Steve,” Sam tells him in a warning tone.

He does at least take a few moments to think before he speaks again. “I didn’t think of Peter in that moment,” he murmurs and yeah no shit.

“See anything _wrong_ with that?” Sam asks. “Because I have a fucking list.”

Steve sighs, “he would have found out eventually,” he murmurs like that excuses shit.

“Yeah, he would have and it should have been _Tony_ to tell him in part because he was the one who got caught doing something wrong and also because you clearly aren’t capable of doing it. What the hell did you expect out of that, Steve?” Because nothing good could have come out of that and Sam knows Steve isn’t stupid so he damn well knows that.

“It… wasn’t my intention to hurt Peter,” he says.

“No, it was your intention to hurt Tony _using_ Peter so I don’t see how that’s better, Steve. You want to be pissed off go the hell ahead, I get why you would be because your marriage already went to shit and now you have a garbage best friend too, fine. But you don’t using someone’s _kid_ as a tool of emotional manipulation. That’s cruel Steve, and its nasty. Its not Peter’s job to be the weapon in your emotional war.” Poor kid, being tossed headfirst into his parents bullshit like that. Peter would have already had to deal with a bunch of backlash from Steve and Tony’s already long sour marriage plus their divorce and then Steve off and did _that_.

“I know,” Steve says, looking away.

Sam considers him for a long moment, trying to figure him out because he’s been a little contradictory lately. “What the hell _is_ this, Steve?” he asks in a calmer tone. “Because you take a step forward by actually taking some kind of control over your life and I thought _maybe_ you were moving forward. Then you pull this. What is going on?”

Steve doesn’t answer and Sam sighs because of course he has to do the damn work himself. “Why are you so afraid of being happy? Because every time I’ve seen you take any step towards happiness you ruin it for yourself. Now, I don’t like ultimatums because I don’t think they work but you painted yourself into one so you’ve got two choices Steve. You continue to do everything in your power to alienate yourself from people who actually give a damn about you, forever cementing yourself into the pain I think you feel _way_ too at home in, or you take a risk and move _on_. You _can’t_ live in your past and your loss is awful, but you don’t get to stay here in the future where people are trying to give you a home only to throw that back in their faces because attaching yourself to people scares you. All that does is make you look like a jackass and it hurts everyone else around you too.”

He gets through to Steve on some level because he shakes his head, angry. “And who the hell am I supposed to attach myself too, hmm? Because my husband off and cheated on my with my _best friend_ , Natasha is pissed off at me, and you just spent the last ten minutes yelling at me. What am I supposed to do with that?” he asks. “This _sucks_ and this right here is _exactly_ why I didn’t want to open up to anyone to begin with.”

Progress! Even if Sam still wants to slap him. “Steve, you _gave up_ on your marriage forever ago and you’re mad Tony realized that? You told me once that Tony doesn’t ever seem to take off that public mask of his to let you in, but has it occurred to you that maybe its in response to you doing the same thing? His actions are inexcusable, and Bucky’s are inexplicable even to Natasha and Tony, but I’m not convinced you gave that marriage a real shot anyway. Natasha and I are pissed off that you decided to off and throw _Peter_ into your mess without thinking about his feelings, and you already described being alienated from Bucky. A lot of these problems predate your marriage implosion,” Sam points out.

“So what, its my fault?” Steve says and Sam shakes his head sharply.

“Don’t you dare pull that bullshit with me, Steve. Stop acting like a moron and use your damn head, I damn well know you’re smarter than this,” Sam tells him. Its fucking _frustrating_ watching Steve skirt his damn issues as much as he can to avoid leaving that depressed state he’s in. He’ll do anything he can, it seems, in order to refuse moving on from his past.

“I don’t know where I’m supposed to move on _to_ ,” Steve says softly after a few moments.

Sam shrugs, “welcome to everyone else’s life, Steve. Most of us are lucky enough not to have a life that got left behind so we’re all winging it too. I get that that’s scary, and I think you’ve earned those trust issues you’ve got. But you can’t long for that feeling of belonging, family, and happiness you had in the forties without taking the risks to get that back in this time. Vulnerability is scary, and it doesn’t always end well. But getting the kinds of connections you want isn’t possible without it,” Sam tells him.

“I don’t think I know how to do that,” Steve tells him softly.

“You don’t,” Sam tells him bluntly. He doesn’t expect Steve to laugh at that, a small noise that sounds almost painful. “Just saying. You can learn though, and I’d recommend starting by apologizing to Peter. And maybe talking to Bucky and Natasha but probably Natasha first because she’s got some weird ideas about what’s going on with Bucky on account of her and Tony also finding his behavior uncharacteristic and the theories range from aliens to mental illnesses that may or may not exist so. Her first.”

Steve frowns, obviously confused. “ _What_?”

He sighs. “Look man, I don’t know what’s going on there but it’s a fucking adventure, okay. Not a very good one either. Point is even _they’re_ confused about Bucky so you’re not alone in that.” Sam doesn’t get it either but all he’s got is Steve’s point of view, his own guesses, and a video that tells him Steve’s point of view is _highly_ inaccurate to Bucky’s actual personality. So squat, he’s got squat.

For a moment Steve looks away, remaining anger falling from his frame. “You know, I thought maybe I’d get some of that back with Bucky, that feeling I wish I could get back to in the past. Imagine my surprise when he seemed to like Tony better than me,” he murmurs.

Huh, so that _is_ a thing that’s been consistent since they found him. “You ever ask him _why_ that is?” Sam asks. “Because his answer might give you a little insight into what you’re doing right or wrong, or what Tony’s doing right or wrong. I think the mistake you made was assuming you could pick up where you left off when that’s just not possible.” He’s told Steve that before and he’ll say it as many times as he thinks he needs to until Steve gets it through his thick fucking skull.

Steve sighs. “Well, it sure shit isn’t possible to get that back _now_. I… I don’t know what to do with this,” he murmurs.

Sam steps closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “What you need to do is realize that your home isn’t the pain you feel, it’s the people around you who care about you. Which, contrary to what you think, is a lot of people. _Talk_ to them Steve, actually make an effort to open up and share something about yourself. They’ll surprise you with their responses.” Steve’s jaw clenches and he looks away briefly and Sam sighs. “I know its tempting to hide in that pain forever because its comfortable, familiar. But comfortable or not its still pain, and that familiarity with it is hurting you and everyone around you. Its time to let it go and find something new to make yourself comfortable in.”

*

Natasha all but jumps in front of him and Sam nearly jumps out of his skin. “Jesus Christ, can’t you make a noise or something?” he asks, hand pressed to his heart.

“Noise is contrary to being a spy. I think you’re good for Steve,” she says and he blinks in confusion. These people are emotional whiplash and he is _confused_.

“Okay, that’s nice,” he says, unsure what the hell else he’s supposed to say.

Natasha rolls her eyes at him. “I… don’t think anyone really knows how to call Steve out when he acts like an ass. We all have this image of him, I think, that’s not really accurate and that clouds our ability to tell him things he needs to hear. But you do it just fine and I think he needs that. We’ve probably let him run wild too much,” she admits, looking away.

“Damn right you have. Someone _please_ tell this man to get some therapy.” People are out here thinking Tony’s the one with all the problems but Steve’s out here ruining all his relationships because he forgot how to be happy after he got defrosted. Dude has more problems than a math test.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go, have the rest!
> 
> Now I am free to start the next boi!

Tony is hiding out in his own damn home trying to avoid Steve despite the fact that they share a hallway when Bucky comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around him. “Hey,” he murmurs into Tony’s ear. “Are we still hiding or can I actually show that I care about you in public?”

He turns, giving Bucky a confused look. “Did you miss the knock down, drag out fight with Steve that involved you having a panic attack, Steve telling Peter what was going on, me yelling at him some more, and then unsuccessfully trying to calm your panic attack that mostly only led to more yelling? Because you were there,” Tony points out. Immediately Bucky looks away, clearly trying to think up an excuse and Tony sighs. “Can we just skip the excuses and get to the actual truth here? Because I’m kind of exhausted with lies and skirting the truth.”

“Uh. I don’t think you’re going to like the truth,” Bucky tells him.

When the fuck does he ever?

*

“Fury says you need to kill them to expose them,” Natasha says and Tony glares at her.

“We’re not _killing_ Bucky, Nat, oh my god.” Talk about an overreaction.

Natasha shrugs, looking at her file, “just saying what Fury suggested,” she says and Tony snatches the file from her.

“Oh you asshat, it also says that any memory that no one else would know about that’s not happened in the last forty eight hours will do. Okay Bucky- not Bucky- person. Whatever. Give me a memory that happened more than forty eight hours ago that only I would know about,” he says to… not Bucky. His other personality? The Winter Soldier? Fuck if Tony knows, he called Sam because he’s not qualified to deal with this shit and yeah maybe he kind of wants to punch Sam in the dick for the whole quasi affair with Steve thing but he can’t really do that without also earning a punch to the dick so.

Not Bucky rolls his eyes and sighs. “Fine. Five days after you guys brought me in you moved me from that cage thing you had me in because according to you I was a house guest not a prisoner, which I definitely didn’t get that feeling at the time, but still. You moved me to a reinforced room you built I guess in the nonexistent spare time you had and explained to me that you were going to try and remove the trigger words with those glasses things. You demonstrated how they worked by wearing them and showing me the night your parents died. You told me it was the most painful memory you had,” he says.

Natasha turns to him and frowns a little but Tony shrugs. “Yeah, that’s a pass. Guess he’s not a skrill, whatever the hell that is.”

“Skrull,” Natasha corrects. “And I didn’t know you did that.”

“Well, couldn’t really expect him to have any kind of trust in anything I’d do to him after HYDRA without a demonstration and a reason to trust what I was about to do to him,” he points out. Also he figured maybe it’d get Bucky, or maybe Not Bucky, to stop glaring at him for ten fucking seconds. Didn’t work.

“Fifteen days in you brought me food at almost four in the morning, said you noticed that I don’t sleep either so you thought I’d appreciate a midnight snack. You also noticed that I liked Greek food more than most of the other things you guys fed me so you brought that. You spent most of the time talking about Peter’s science fair project from the forth grade that won some award, it was heinous conversation, but you eventually offered to brush my hair. Honestly I have no idea what you thought I’d do with a _brush_ that’s more deadly than the fork I was holding but whatever. You ended up brushing my hair until I fell asleep,” Not Bucky tells him.

Natasha raises an eyebrow and Tony rolls his eyes, “look, I know Peter was like eleven but-”

“That so isn’t what I had interest in but okay.”

“His hair was a _disaster_ Nat, someone had to brush it,” he mumbles. But the fork thing is a good point and a sign that he must have been particularly tired that night.

“You were the only person who ever showed me any sign of kindness at that point. I didn’t know touch could feel good,” Not Bucky murmurs and that’s harsh.

Tony considers it for only a moment before he walks over and wraps his arms around Bucky, Not Bucky, whatever. Bucky- whoever, pulls Tony into his lap and he settles in, running his fingers through his hair. Its softer than what it used to be when they first brought him in, probably a sign of less stress and a healthy diet.

“Yeah, you guys are disgusting and I’m not convinced he isn’t an alien we should kill him,” Natasha says, holding up a wrench with a look of glee on her face.

Bucky, Winter Soldier- Tony needs a fucking _name_ , tenses a little and he lets out a long suffering breath of air. “She’s joking,” he says. “Also what am I supposed to call you?”

*

Steve looks so hopeful and honestly Tony kind of wants to slap him for it but probably not as much as Steve wants to smack him all things considered. “So that wasn’t Bucky? With him,” Steve clarifies to Sam instead of Tony and off to the side Natasha looks annoyed. Sam looks less annoyed but that’s probably because he doesn’t live here so he doesn’t have to deal with awkward hallway dodging and the tension in the room whenever he and Steve are in the same presence.

“No, I kissed him too,” Tony tells him and Sam trades a look with Natasha.

“You two are saltier than the dead sea,” Sam mumbles. “So instead of acting like children, which you both are,” Sam tells him and Steve, “what exactly are we doing about this?”

“Cognitive recalibration,” Natasha suggests and Tony sighs.

“Why is it always violence with you?”

“Violence solves pretty much anything,” Natasha says in her defense. Sam and Steve give her twin concerned looks but Sam’s the one who talks.

“Um, _no_ ,” he says, equal parts confused and concerned.

Natasha shrugs, “whatever. Can’t have problems with people if they’re dead,” she mumbles.

“Woman after my own heart,” Yasha says, slight Russian accent because _apparently_ he was faking Bucky’s Brooklyn accent. Which he finds awful, also, though Tony doesn’t think a Russian has the right to talk shit about accents. Natasha had been happy to have another and they’ve already bonded over vodka and Tony really doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get a super assassin drunk but when he said that Natasha told him that she’d have to give up alcohol too and she’d rather die so. Dealing with drunk Tuesdays with the Russians it is. Even if only Natasha gets drunk.

Thankfully Bucky isn’t fond of alcohol and dislikes violence in all forms and has taken to Peter’s memes so at least Tony doesn’t need to worry about him. Yasha? Total wild card and now that he’s stopped pulling his piss poor impression of Bucky he’s far more… individualistic than Tony originally thought. Granted Tony knew a lot more about Yasha to begin with so the change wasn’t nearly as jarring to him as it was to everyone else. Natasha feels vindicated that she was right over Sam, who will probably never hear the end of it.

“See, he likes it,” Natasha says, encouraging Steve and Sam to exchange another look.

“I’m biased, but get therapy,” Sam says.

“That’s your advice to everyone,” Steve tells him and Sam gives him a _look_.

“When I met you you spent all your time whining about your shit marriage instead of telling me about the five other Winter Soldiers you found that one time, alien invasions, and literally everything else in your life that is way cooler than Tony. No offense,” he says to Tony. “And all this because you have trust issues and a hard time opening up to the point of self destructive tendencies. Y’all _need_ therapy. Tony cheated on you with your best friend because he wanted to stick his relationship with Bucky to you so you to felt as shitty as he did. _Therapy_ ,” Sam says with emphasis.

Yasha walks over to him and wraps an arm around his waist, leaning in and kissing Tony’s temple. He smiles, curling into Yasha’s body the way he’s gotten used to. Steve gives him a dirty look but its not his fault Sam told him that he refuses to have anything to do with him until he gets his shit together and also that Bucky happens to share a body with someone else. Bucky’s more freaked out about it than he is. “I’m fine,” Yasha says and Tony could have predicted that. He’s not exactly trusting, which is why he hadn’t liked Steve. Only reason he likes Tony is because of all the time he spent with him explaining BARF and brushing his hair. Natasha gets a half a free pass on account of liking the same things.

“Okay fine, send Bucky,” Sam says.

Tony snorts, “he’s less trusting of doctors than Yasha so good luck.”

Sam sighs, “talk your best friend into getting therapy,” he tells Steve.

Steve frowns, “Bucky told me he doesn’t like spending time with me because he feels like he has to fit a mold of who I’m expecting instead of who he is so I don’t think that’s happening any time soon.”

“Does anything _need_ to be done? I don’t really consider myself to be a problem,” Yasha says and its probably because Tony knows him better than most so he knows he’s hurt. He drops his hand to Yasha’s on his waist and squeezes him a little.

“You’re not a problem. Steve’s hair cut is a problem,” he tells Yasha, looking up at him.

“Your stupid facial hair is a problem,” Steve mumbles and Sam gives them both irritated looks.

“Grow up, both of you,” he tells them. “But you make a point,” he says to Yasha. “Maybe the problem is Tony and Natasha given that the first thing _they_ jumped to was _aliens_.”

Yasha raises an eyebrow at him. “Aliens, babe? Really?”

Tony shrugs, “it was a valid possibility we couldn’t definitively rule out,” he mumbles.

*

Bucky walks in on him attempting to squeeze a mug to death not that he gets what Tony’s doing right away given the odd looks he’s getting. “Come here,” he says, “and squeeze this until it breaks. Preferably over the sink.”

Bucky gives him another weird look but walks over and does as he asks, breaking the mug relatively easily. “Was there a point to that?” he asks as Tony glares off in the direction of Peter’s bedroom.

“Yeah. Ned came by earlier, scared the hell out of poor Peter and he broke a mug with his bare hand so does someone want to explain why the _hell_ my kid has super strength?” he asks. Because he didn’t have that a couple months ago and Tony sure shit doesn’t know anything about any experiments involving Peter.

*

Steve and Tony probably look ridiculous searching Peter’s room but he looks freaked out so Tony damn well knows he’s on to something. Steve opens his closet and Tony spies a broom in the corner, which is weird considering Peter’s room is carpeted. He looks up at the ceiling and bingo, he knows where to look. He grabs the broom, noting that Peter goes from freaked out to panic in two seconds flat as he pokes at the ceiling for the weak spot, finding it within seconds.

And, surprise, surprise, a suit of some type falls out of the ceiling. Steve frowns at the hideous red and blue… _thing_ in Tony’s hands for a few moments. “Are those the pajamas I bought you for last Christmas?” he asks.

“No,” Peter lies, earning an unimpressed look from Steve. “Oh you can keep it up all day, I’ve seen your stupid detention videos I’m immune to your disappointment!” Peter yells at him, legs curled to his chest and looking angsty like a proper teen.

Tony can’t help but laugh and Steve frowns, confused. “Detention videos? I haven’t- wait, when the hell were you in detention and why?”

“Who cares about detention Steve, I’ve seen the YouTube videos of the person who wears this suit that is apparently our _kid_ ,” Tony tells him. Fucking priorities.

“Can I use that time Steve told me about you cheating on him with Bucky to get out of this?” Peter asks and Tony squints at him.

“ _No_ , kid. Explain how the hell you got _superpowers_ and why the hell you’re running around in PJs Steve got you for Christmas instead of asking me to make you something? Honestly kid, this can’t be safe and I don’t even know what you can _do_ aside from what I’ve seen in videos. You can’t just run around in a cotton blend onsie,” he tells Peter, sounding absolutely ridiculous. But its not really his fault Peter decided that his ugly Christmas pajamas were a better option than _telling_ someone about this.

Peter looks like he’s going to hold out for a minute before he breaks and lets it all out. “I got bit by a spider but I thought it was a normal spider but then the bite swelled up to the size of a golf ball so I thought I’d sleep it off and then I woke up and I could stick to the ceiling,” Peter says, bursting into tears and okay. Tony has had enough of this crazy shit; he needs some damn normalcy in life.

“It didn’t occur to you to go to the hospital?” Steve asks.

“We don’t have health insurance,” Peter says and Steve blinks rapidly, clearly confused.

“You can pay for it Peter, your father is rich. Who… who raised you?” he asks, confused.

“We did and I’m starting to think we didn’t do a good job if he thinks sleeping off golf ball sized spider bites is a good idea,” Tony says.

“He got that from you,” Steve mumbles like Peter could, biologically speaking, get it from anywhere else. He certainly didn’t get it from his mother, she had common sense.

Tony sighs, “give me a list of your powers and meet me in the lab so I can make you a proper fucking suit instead of,” he looks down at the obviously mended repeatedly pajamas, “this ugly thing.” Steve gives him a dirty look for it but he can fuck off, the pajamas _are_ ugly and even if they weren’t that’s not a useful way to protect yourself when fighting crime. Since Peter mostly stops car crashes and rescues kittens, which is adorable and definitely his speed and he _best_ not catch Peter trying to take on aliens any time soon. Or ever.

“If you saw the videos why didn’t you recognize the pajamas?” Steve asks.

“Because I don’t recognize mass produced anything,” Tony tells him.

“You can pick my ass out of a line up of asses but you can’t recognize pajamas?” Steve asks, baffled.

“Is your ass mass produced?” Tony asks, squinting.

“There’s Captain America ass fleshlights so yes,” Peter tells them and honestly Tony can’t tell who’s the most horrified by that. Peter, who looks like he wishes he could scrub that information from his brain, Tony, who’s horrified Peter knows about these things, or Steve, who can’t even look anyone in the eye at the moment.

“Don’t ever say those words again. What’s with the tanning goggles?” Tony asks, trying and failing to look through one.

*

“So _then_ I find out the damn kid has gotten himself involved with some undercover crime ring investigation and has nearly been killed on _multiple_ occasions and he didn’t tell us because, and this is a quote, he ‘didn’t want to inconvenience you.’ Like finding out your kid is a superhero who’s nearly been killed by who fucking _knows_ who after he breaks a mug when his friend scares him isn’t a major inconvenience. Anyway, I told him next time to just inconvenience us anyway,” Tony tells Bucky, who looks confused.

“And I thought having a whole other person in my head was weird,” he mumbles, shaking his head.

Tony gives him a _look_. “Oh you have no room to judge Peter Mr. ‘I didn’t say anything about the memory loss because I didn’t think it was important.’ You two need a thorough lesson in ‘things that are definitely relevant,’” Tony tells him.

Bucky sighs and shifts so he’s closer to Tony, propping his head up on Tony’s chest. “In my defense I assumed that was the result of being zapped by HYDRA one too many times, not that that whole violent assassin part of me didn’t actually go anywhere,” Bucky mumbles, trying to cover his fear by making Yasha’s presence sound like a minor inconvenience.

He runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair and he sighs. Its one of the few things he and Yasha seem to have in common, their appreciation for having their hair brushed in whatever form that is. Sam had been skeptical of the whole thing, went on a long rant about the history of multiple personalities or whatever but Tony’s scans show a small, if still relevant, biological basis for it. They don’t seem to operate the same way on any level, including the way they respond to stimuli so Tony figures there’s something to it. And even if there wasn’t Natasha has already presented a good case for Bucky being unique in some way anyway.

None of the Winter Soldiers took to the conditioning like he did, and none of the Widows did either. There’s something special about Bucky and Tony will never have the evidence to show if maybe Yasha was there before the war, which _would_ explain Bucky’s difference. Though from Yasha’s prospective he wasn’t there until, by his estimations, some time in the fifties. Doesn’t mean that memory loss isn’t a result of HYDRA torture though, Bucky doesn’t remember a lot too. He remembers plenty, but he’s missing huge gaps according to Steve, who’s the best judge of that given that he was _there_.

“Buck, he’s not… he doesn’t know how to be a person very well, but he’s already made huge adjustments _before_ we found out he wasn’t you. He’ll learn how to be in a functioning society better. And in the meantime he’s not the scary thing HYDRA tried to make him.” Tony remembers the early days, the suspicion that was there, the agitation. He’s probably lucky that he’s always been pretty brave given that he never really reacted to Yasha’s hostility. But then the first thing he did when he met Bruce was try and poke the Hulk out of him so there’s that.

“Natasha says he likes you best,” he murmurs and Tony nods.

“He says I was the first person to show kindness to him, that he didn’t really know it existed before that. Guess that’s a pretty good basis for attachment.” He was there for what, sixty years give or take before he discovered people can be _nice_? That’s harsh. Tony knows what its like to live in an abusive environment but shit, at least he got the reprieve of school, Rhodey, Pepper later on, and sometimes fans and kids. Yasha wasn’t even lucky enough to get _that_.

When Tony asked how he reacted to being in the outside world, how he perceived kindness that he saw given that he _must_ have seen it, he had sort of assumed it was a manipulation technique because that’s how he’d use it when he needed things running around for HYDRA. But Tony hadn’t had an obvious motivation in mind when they met, and it became clear he didn’t have one at all once things continued. So he started observing people a little differently after that.

“Makes sense I guess. You’re still the only one who thought to tell me that other people are like me, sort of. That when people are put in terrible situations they do things they might not otherwise. Steve mostly just told me I wouldn’t do that because he knows me and I’ve seen enough to know that what you know isn’t always what a person is,” he murmurs.

Yeah, Tony knows that too. Howard was good at putting on a show, but he was fucking _awful_ behind closed doors. Tony used to have a hard time reconciling that and its taken him most of his life to come to terms with the fact that Howard is both people, but that the good he had doesn’t outweigh the bad like it does for most people. “People aren’t really meant to be in conditions like that. Its not surprising they come out acting abnormal,” Tony tells him, carefully brushing his hair away from his face.

Bucky doesn’t respond for a long time. Instead he lays there for a bit, toying with a tablet Tony made him awhile ago that works even if he’s using his metal hand to tap at the screen because normal tablets don’t register the touch. He’s doing a better job catching up than Steve is, Tony thinks, and he’s doing a hell of a lot better now that Steve has fucked off to therapy instead of hounding the poor guy and he and Steve have stopped screaming at each other on a regular basis.

Now he and Steve mostly avoid each other unless Peter has done something dumb again, which Tony thinks is for the best. He’s sure they’ll figure out how to talk to each other again but Tony’s too pissed off at Steve for never really loving him despite _asking_ Tony to marry him and Steve’s still pissed off about Bucky.

“Hey,” Bucky murmurs, drawing Tony out of his thoughts.

“Yeah?” Tony asks, smiling down at him and running his fingers along Bucky’s jawline. He gets a smile for his efforts as Bucky catches his hand, threading his fingers through Tony’s.

“I… you don’t think this is a bad idea, right? Because apparently I’m two people and you just got out of a shitty marriage that happened to be to my best friend.”

Yeah, like Tony hasn’t considered that. “Is it a bad idea? Probably, but I’m pretty good at bad ideas so. And its not like I haven’t given this all thought either. I know that starting a new relationship, technically two, after ending another probably wouldn’t end well normally. But I care about you, and I like what we have. Its easy, I guess, in a way my marriage to Steve never was. I think we understand a lot more about each other on a personal and romantic level than anyone else I’ve ever been with and that’s worth exploring, bad timing or not.”

Bucky twists so he’s facing Tony and leans in to kiss him, “I was so hoping you’d say that,” he murmurs against Tony’s lips.

*

Steve jiggles his leg nervously as he waits for Sam. He has no idea how this is going to go and frankly he hopes it goes well because he’s got _no_ clue what he’s going to do if it doesn’t. Like what, he’ll hold auditions? That seems absurd to him so he hopes Sam takes him up on his offer.

When Sam finally shows up he’s late and he looks annoyed, which either means he hit traffic or Bucky discovered some new conspiracy theory to annoy him and Tony with because they react the best. Steve damn well _knows_ Bucky doesn’t believe everything he reads online and he’s always had a softer, joking nature about him that Steve has really only noticed was missing after it came back. Probably, as Bucky had so aptly put, because he was more interested in what he wanted than what was actually there. He likes to think he’s getting better with that but what the hell does he know? Historically, not a whole hell of a lot.

Still, the look on Sam and Tony’s faces when Bucky told them the moon was a fake hologram projection that the government only _wants_ them to think is real was probably one of the funniest things Steve has ever seen. Honestly, he’s seen a lot of expressions on Tony’s face but he doesn’t think he’s ever seen him look like his entire personality has been snuffed out behind the eyes like that. And Sam looked at Bucky with an ‘are you kidding me level’ so high Steve is _sure_ it can’t be recreated.

“ _Please_ tell your dipshit ass best friend that forests do, in fact, _exist_ ,” Sam tells him as soon as he’s in ear shot. Steve raises an eyebrow because he has no idea what Sam’s talking about and Sam gives him a _look_. “I love you, but I cannot _handle_ Bucky’s stupid. I am a simple man, I just expect people to believe in the moon, not think vaccines steal souls, know that forests exist, and don’t have violent alter egos who think _Saw_ is the greatest movie ever made. That’s it, that’s all I ask and I feel like that is not too much,” Sam says, shaking his head.

Well, the vaccine thing is new. Steve wants to know where Bucky _finds_ this stuff because Steve has never found anything like that but he guesses he’s never looked. “I uh. Guess I’ll mention it? I have something for you though,” he says and he hands Sam the bag. He frowns at it as he takes it, especially when he feels the weight of it. “Open it,” Steve tells him, trying to hurry this along a little. He’s nervous; he wants this to come to some kind of conclusion preferably before two hours from now.

Sam looks at the bag, confused for a moment before he opens it and raises an eyebrow as he lifts Steve’s, hopefully Sam’s now, shield out. “Try it on,” Steve tells him. Sam says nothing; he just considers the shield for a few seconds before he hesitantly pulls the shield out the rest of the way and straps it on like he has no idea what’s going on. Which he does, Steve knows, because he’s the only person he’s ever met who can outstrip Natasha in the ability to read people department. She’s noticed it too and has already started to subtly train Sam into better spy work. He sucks at it because Sam is almost less subtle than Tony and that’s a _feat_ but Steve knows he’ll improve.

“How’s it feel?” he asks, still nervous but a little excited now as Sam lifts the shield so its covering most of his body.

“Like its someone else’s,” Sam says honestly and Steve shakes his head.

“Its not, not anymore,” Steve tells him.

Sam looks absolutely _baffled_ by this as he shakes his head, dropping the shield to his side. “I… _why_?” he asks, giving the shield a confused look.

Steve sighs, “I… realized that I hate being Captain America. I mean, I’ve never _really_ liked it to be honest. I took the role out of necessity, because Erskine chose me specifically. But this… piece of my life, I’ve done nothing but resent it almost since I stepped into the role. I’m trying to do something different with my life and I can’t do that if I’m still acting as a symbol of the past I’m trying to step away from,” he says. And he really, _really_ hates being Captain America. Its time for him to move on, do other things.

“Why me, though?” Sam asks, frowning. “I uh… don’t really think I’m a good choice.”

Not a good choice? Steve shakes his head. “Sam, you’re the only one I can imagine in the role. That shield is yours, if you want it,” Steve tells him.

Sam lifts the shield again, looking down at it for a moment before he softly runs his fingers over the edge of it with his free hand. “You sure about this?” Sam asks, looking up.

Steve places his hand on Sam’s shoulder and squeezes, “yeah, Sam. I’m done with being a living monument. Truthfully I think I’ve lived so long as Captain America I’ve forgotten who Steve Rogers is and I want that back, who I am.” Whoever that is. He’s made a tentative peace with the fact that he won’t be who he was, however much he wants to cling to that. But people change with life experiences and he’s been reliably informed that he can’t just stunt that from happening even if he wanted it to.

He doesn’t expect Sam to lean forward and hug him, getting the shield in the way twice before Steve expertly moves it out of the way, but he doesn’t mind the reaction nonetheless. He hugs Sam back tightly, “you’ll do great,” he tells him.

*

Tony finds Sam in a fucking closet and honestly the image he finds is ridiculous. “Sam. Stop crying on the shield and get up, I need to make you a suit,” he tells him.

Sam looks up; horrified at being discovered but if he didn’t want anyone to find him he wouldn’t have ugly cried so loud. “What?” Sam asks, sounding a little dazed.

“A suit, Sam. Need to make one. So get out of the closet and get down to the lab so I can swatch you,” Tony tells him.

“Swatch me?”

Tony rolls his eyes, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Sam, I can’t just stick you in Steve’s old suit, it won’t look good with your skin tone like it does on his. So I need to swatch you.”

“Is color relevant?” Sam asks and oh my _god_ Tony can’t believe Steve picked him.

“Why is it that no one understands style around here? Yes color matters and yeah, Captain America tends to go with a tacky red, white, and blue I need to know _which_ reds and blues to use, and then I’ll chose whatever shade of white doesn’t look horrible with it.” Which sometimes leads to more of a cream color, which is what Tony’s picked out for Sam because he thinks it’ll be a less sharp contrast with his skin tone. He’s gone with darker reds and blues but he needs to make sure they’ll look nice on Sam and not just Sam’s pictures.

Sam frowns, “this is actually relevant to you,” he states more than asks and Tony lets out a long sigh.

“Yes, its important. Just because we’re superheroes doesn’t mean we should lack style. Villains always have good style, we need to look nice for pictures,” Tony says.

“Pictures. While we’re getting our asses kicked.”

“While we’re _winning_ ,” Tony corrects. “And yes, pictures. Have you ever seen a bad picture of the Avengers? No, you’re welcome. Get to the lab,” Tony tells him, pointing to the door. “Also, little late to the party on the subject, but why are you crying in the closet on that shield? Maybe I should change the colors of that too…” he murmurs more to himself than Sam but Sam hugs the stupid shield to his chest anyway.

“Don’t you dare! And you wouldn’t get it, why I’m in here crying.”

Tony pokes at him with his foot. “Try me on the way out of there and to the lab,” he says, poking at Sam again.

Irritated, Sam picks himself up from the floor finally. “I always had a thing for Captain America- the idea of it, not Steve specifically. But Captain America is always a white guy, and not even one that looks like Steve usually and yet people have the gall to complain when people suggest a black Cap.”

“Oh yeah, Rhodey gets that with suit. His merch is particularly popular with back kids. Sure you’ll be a hit too, once I get you an actual look going. That doesn’t clash with the shield I guess I’m not changing,” he says, giving the shield an irritated look.

Sam looks confused at that and Tony resents that, really. He knows racism exists; he just doesn’t have to deal with that problem. But he’s seen what it does to Rhodey and Sam makes a good point about backlash to the idea of a black Captain America so he makes a mental note to have Steve do some kind of statement because there is no way in _hell_ anyone in this country is going to listen to anyone but him on the subject. Even if he’d rather avoid Steve forever.

“You make no sense to me, man,” Sam mumbles and he can grab a number and get in line because Tony hasn’t made sense to anyone ever.

*

Tony’s _trying_ to make sure Peter has a fucking functioning suit but the damn kid keeps wiggling around. “Can you stay still for five seconds?” he asks Peter, who immediately wiggles.

“I’m trying,” he says and the worst part is that he probably is too. Tony sighs and makes peace with superpowers not solving his kid’s ADHD fidgeting all the time.

“I think he might be taller than you,” Bucky says from behind them. He looks over at Peter, who actually _is_ a couple inches taller and when the hell did _that_ happen?

“No he isn’t!” Tony says, sticking his hand on the top of Peter’s head and pressing down so the damn kid will shrink a little.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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